I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne

this is not a retraction

2012-01-07T22:47:00.001-06:00

a while back i did some serious blogging about falling out of love with one of my favorite bands (gomez). well, not exactly falling out of love with but definitely not loving their new album. and the fact that i haven't seen them live in i don't know how long. no really, i can't quite remember the last time i saw them. i thiiink it was july 2009? is that right? whoa. i don't know.

anyway, they're doing a big quinceanera tour to celebrate 15 years of playing together and they are FINALLY doing something that wilco, and other bands, have been doing for years. setlist requests! maybe if enough people band together and request as an organized group we won't have to hear any of the new songs. i kid. sort of. sorry, guys. so i think i'm going to go to the shows. two great friends of mine are getting married the day before the first show and many of my friends that i met through gomez will be in town for the wedding and i believe they're all planning on going to the first night before heading back to their respective home cities. how can i resist seeing the band that brought us all together with my wonderful friends? i don't think i can.

untitled

2012-01-05T22:41:00.000-06:00

i don't think i've ever been the type of person to make new year's resolutions, probably because i know that i won't keep them. but i kind of think i should resolve to get off the couch and stop watching so damn much csi. it's all part of a vicious cycle where i convince myself that i lack the energy to do anything thus actually giving away any energy that i might have had into the cushions of my couch.

i may have the physical energy to socialize but most of the time i lack the intellectual and mental energy to interact with people on any level deeper than casual. i don't have anything interesting to talk about and i constantly find myself struggling with my attention span which makes me a pretty poor listener. it also means that i'm constantly rewinding all these damn episodes of csi because i wasn't paying attention when they flashed that fingerprint match across the screen.

ugh, my attention span is making it difficult for me to write this blog or even to remember why i started this post in the first place. maybe i need to up my vitamin regimen.

is this thing on?

2011-12-29T23:06:00.000-06:00

hi. i have a blog? i'm mostly here to document the 2 nights i saw wilco a few weeks back. i had already forgotten some of the details so i decided i would come here and put it down, for my sake.

i was lucky enough to get into wilco's austin city limits taping on november 30. it was incredible. it was my third taping this year but i don't know if it was the best. arcade fire's was probably still the best for me but that's only because i've only seen them a few times whereas i've seen wilco a million times. anyway, the next night i saw them again when they played a concert to the general public. afterwards i was able to convince my very wonderful friend who works for acl live that we should go down to where the band was hanging out. he was understandably concerned that maybe it would be awkward or i would turn into a psycho since they're my favorite band. i assured him that i could handle my shit (i've met jeff before and i was totally normal) so we went!

i talked with nels cline for a while about my nephew who is basically named after him. he seemed to genuinely appreciate hearing about him and he even asked if i had a picture of him. i showed him this one and he said, "whoa, psychedelic!"

as we were getting ready to leave i spotted john so i ran over to him to tell him how much i love it's just that simple and that it's always reminded me of neil young. he said, "really? i thought i was channeling danko when i wrote that." then we talked about the last waltz for a couple of minutes. i love those moments where you realize why you like something. we like the same music so it's only natural that i'm going to like the music he makes. i had a similar conversation with ben kweller a few years ago. it's like the pieces fall into place.

maybe someday i'll blog about my life. or something.

pop! goes the weasel

2011-10-30T23:44:00.000-05:00

i swear i'll update my blog for real eventually but this is too fun not to share. i made this from a couple pictures my friend amber took when we got together to celebrate sam's birthday this year. i can't stop laughing at it!

here's the deal

2011-10-19T00:45:00.000-05:00

the deal is, i suck at blogging. but check this out!

i co-hosted a bridal shower for one of my best and oldest friends on saturday. it was way more work than i ever anticipated it would be but everything turned out perfect.

alison and her fiance are both from louisiana so we used that as the theme for the food and drinks. we served popcorn with tony's, voodoo'd eggs (deviled eggs with crawfish and jalapenos), and cajun cocktail nuts as the appetizers. for lunch we had emeril's red beans and rice, a build your own muffaletta bar, and louisiana sunburst salad, a recipe from palace cafe in new orleans. dessert was bread pudding with many different toppings, hurricane cupcakes (passion fruit cupcakes with and orange/cherry buttercream), and creole ginger bourbon cupcakes with vanilla bean buttercream. the cupcakes were my brain children and i think they turned out really, really well if i do say so myself. we also served hurricanes, iced tea, abita beer, and abita root beer. i have zero pictures of the whole spread which is pretty upsetting. i was just too busy hosting and socializing to even think about it.

up next is alison's bachelorette party. it's going to be very low-key and awesome. we're going to go to a local-ish winery for a tasting and then spend the night at a house on the lake. my sister and i are in charge of dinner and i'm thinking we'll do pork loin with risotto to pair with red wine and roasted chicken with mashed potatoes to pair with white wine and people can decide which they want, or have a little of each. then i'm going to make a banana chocolate icebox cake for dessert. it's all going to be so delicious, i can't wait!

this looks familiar

2011-09-22T21:56:00.000-05:00

long time no see...yeah, yeah, yeah. anyway, i just stumbled across this stereogum list of the 40 best new bands and couldn't help but notice something...

the exact same font i used on my 30 day song challenge graphic! and, well, the exact same idea. i'm not saying the copied me because that is ridiculously unlikely but it is a mighty strange coincidence.

fires, weddings, showers...

2011-09-12T23:33:00.000-05:00

as many of you are probably aware, we had some pretty serious wildfires in the central texas area last sunday. we had to evacuate my house and i was gone for 2 nights. i wasn't home when the sheriff came by to evacuate us so all i had was the clothes on my back. i had to go to work on monday wearing the dress and sandals that i had worn to brunch the day before. it was a cute outfit but weird to wear to work where i do. but i digress, everything is fine for us and i ache for those less fortunate it than we were.

in october i have a couple of weddings to go to that i'm really looking forward to attending. then there's alison's bridal shower! and then in november sometime is alison's bachelorette party. ahhh! so much going on but it's all good stuff so i'm very excited. and of course the wedding in december!

this weekend is the austin city limits music festival. i bought a one-day pass for sunday a loooong time ago but have since decided that i cannot attend. even with the temperatures in the mid-high 90s instead of 105+ it's just too hot for me to spend a day outside. i will be miserable and it could honestly cause me a lot of pain and discomfort for several days after. i'm a bit bummed because i haven't been to the festival in 4 years and some of my favorites acts are playing on sunday but i just can't do it. damn fibromyalgia.

and while i'm mentioning all these weddings i might as well tell you about the amazing wedding that is taking place in february. my wonderful friends jason and lisa are getting married and i could not be more excited for them. i'm also excited because i get to hang with some out of town weddings guests that i love dearly. it's going to be a wonderful weekend for sure!

may 21, 2011

2011-08-24T00:45:00.000-05:00

on may 21st i went to a day party with a couple of friends and had a really, really fun time. we drank tito's with pineapple juice and ginger ale and shared many laughs.

1. kelly, the funnest guy i know

2. me trying to take a long-arm picture with kelly and failing

3. me trying to take another long-arm picture with kelly and failing (he's just too tall!)

4. kelly and i cracking up as he finally takes a long-arm picture of us

5. me trying to look normal for a picture with amber

6. me looking normal(ish) for a picture with amber

seriously, click on that collage to enlarge it and see what my face really looks like it some of those pictures. hilarious!

the reason this particular day stands out so much in my mind isn't just because of how much fun we had but because i woke up on the morning of may 22nd feeling like i was going to die and i have felt that to some scale every single day since then. some days i'm in more pain and some days i'm in less pain but the pain is always there. the physical pain and then the emotional pain that comes along with physically feeling like shit all the time. i've seen kelly and amber maybe 2 or 3 times since may 21st and that really bums me out. my darling joshua just moved to washington dc and i barely got to spend any time with him his last summer in austin because of this stupid condition.

if you think this central texas heat is bad, try living through it with a disease like fibromyalgia. yesterday i went to the grocery store and put gas in my car and by the time i got home i could barely move and i had a crippling headache from barely being outside. i have a ticket to attend the last day of acl fest and if it hasn't cooled off significantly by then, i don't know if i can go. i would be putting myself at a huge, huge risk and i don't know if it's going to be worth it.

some days i think i'm doing alright and other days i think back to what the "old stefanie" would be doing with her spare time and it probably wouldn't be, "recording reruns of csi to watch while she lays on the couch for hours at a time." i used to leave the house for reasons other than work and grocery shopping. i used to eat at restaurants, i used to drink at bars, i used to laugh with my friends. now i do none of those things. fibromyalgia is rough enough from a psychological standpoint, adding a pity party isn't really necessary.

i'm sorry if it seems that all i ever write about is my illness but, uhh, i guess it's all i have going on these days.

playlists

2011-08-22T22:42:00.000-05:00

when i take my ambien at night instead of falling asleep, i stay up later making playlists in spotify. weird, right? i don't just make playlists, i also craft and cut things out of magazines for future craft inspiration. totally weird. anyway, if you have spotify you can check out my profile and see these silly mixes i've been making.

in related news, i need a new sleep aid. i mean, ambien is awesome and i have a blast staying up and creating things but i really need to sleep as well. boo.

paid forward

2011-08-18T21:40:00.000-05:00

have you ever heard one of those stories about someone pulling up to pay for their food in a fast food drive thru only to find out that the person who was in the car in front of them paid their bill for them? i remember hearing about that happening at starbucks a while back. anyway...get a load of this!

i went to chick-fil-a to pick up lunch for myself and 4 co-workers today. my total was $29.70. when i got to the second window the guy handed me all my drinks, a bag of condiments, and my bags of food. never once did he stop to take the $30 cash that i was politely waving at him. after he had given me the entire order he gave me a small card that said, "SMILE you've just been tagged!" then it went on to say that basically i was "it" and that it was my turn to do something for someone. i must have had a very confused look on my face because the guy had to explain to me, "the lady in front of you paid your bill." and i said, "WHAT?!!" i felt like i was on candid camera!

i actually noticed when she pulled up to the second window that she handed a credit card to the guy, signed a receipt, and then drove off. he never gave her an order. so this gal just got into the chick-fil-a drive thru solely to buy the food for whoever ended up behind her. amazing.

i joked with my co-workers that i was "paying it forward" by "paying it back" because i gave them all of their money back instead of pocketing it and keeping quiet about the whole thing. honestly, telling that story to everyone and seeing their reactions was worth the $30 that i could have gotten away with anyway. so now, 5 of us are inspired to pay it forward instead of just me.

check out helpothers.org to find out more about it.

the card that i was given today

and that's why i love you

2011-08-16T14:54:00.001-05:00

joshua, one of my very best and oldest friends, is moving away on saturday. washington dc is claiming yet another one of my best friends. boo. josh and i have been through it all together and i can't imagine what it's going to be like to not get to see him whenever i want. we've done it all from wild, wild nights downtown to laying on the couch watching reno 911 on a laptop for hours. i put together this little slideshow using just a small percentage of all the pictures i have of josh over the years.

i just got back from having lunch with him where i postponed our "goodbye" until friday night. i just can't do it :(

enjoy the silence?

2011-08-05T12:07:00.001-05:00

i think this is the longest i've gone without posting at least something on this here blog. i'd like to tell you that i haven't posted because i've been galavanting around having the summer of my life and just haven't had time to blog about it but we all know that probably isn't true. in fact, it's not true. i've been having possibly the worst summer of my life. it's hotter than a whore in church down here in central texas and that heat is a bitch for someone with fibromyalgia. most of my days look something like this:

work 8-3

watch mlb network or espn (sometimes history channel) 4-10

toss and turn in bed 10-6

rinse and repeat

thrilling, isn't it? so i haven't blogged because a)i haven't been doing anything and b)i have very little energy to do anything other than work. i actually wonder how i make it through my shifts at work. the only reason i'm writing this now is because i'm home from work today. i missed yesterday as well. i'm having extreme back, neck, and head pain. i went to the doctor yesterday and he said that it's just a flare up probably caused by the heat. i might need a summer home somewhere much cooler than austin

long time no see

2011-07-15T12:49:00.000-05:00

sorry for the very serious lack of updates lately. i don't really have an excuse, i've just been too lazy. let's recap the last couple of weeks, shall we?

santa cruz

it was so much more fun than i had hoped it would be. unfortunately i had a lot of muscle aches and pains while i was there so my energy was a bit down but i still had such an incredible time. the laughter i was hoping for? oh my dear god. i honestly cannot think of a weekend that i have laughed more than i did that weekend. it was unreal. i still find myself thinking of things and laughing to myself on a regular basis. my coworkers think i'm a lunatic. the weather was totally amazing. in fact, i wish i was still there because it's approximately a billion degrees here.

we didn't do a whole lot of touristy things while we were there. we hit the lost boys bridge and the boardwalk the first day, the flea market the second day, and a little beach time on the last day.

lost boys bridge

the end of the boardwalk

craft time!

brittney working on her awesome collage

4th of july...faces were painted

a few hours before we had to head home

santa cruz is so funny

cupcakes and pizza with nels

last friday nels and i made cupcakes together. he picked out the cupcake liners and then picked mini ones as well saying that we needed to make some small cupcakes for baby karsten. the next day nels and papi made mini pizzas for lunch.

nels said, "tessie, they're perfect!"

nels helped decorate these, they got a little silly

eating the leftover sauce

sneaking a pepperoni

cramming his face with cheese

karsten's 1st birthday

my baby nephew turned 1 on sunday and had his first cupcake!

and that's pretty much it. wow, that's lot of pictures!

this anxiety can bite me

2011-06-29T21:38:00.000-05:00

i am flying to san jose, ca on saturday with my friend bonnie. our friend meghan will pick us up at the airport and take us her to house in santa cruz where we will stay until tuesday evening. i am beyond excited but if you were to talk to me about this trip i would probably sound terrified. and that's because i am. all week i have had horrible anxiety about traveling on a holiday weekend. i am terrified that there aren't going to be ANY parking spots left when we get to the airport on saturday morning and i'm terrified that there are going to be horrendously long lines and that we're going to miss our flight.

i have been up every night this week freaking out about the airport. the thoughts race through my head all day long and each time i feel like i am going to vomit because i'm so anxious. i don't think my anxiety has ever been this bad over anything. i cannot figure out what is causing me to be such a giant nutcase about this. i doubt i am going to sleep a wink on friday night.

you can see how well this is working out

2011-06-27T12:36:00.000-05:00

{i have} a horrible headache.

{i want} saturday to get here NOW!

{i love} peanut butter.

nine

2011-06-23T06:50:00.002-05:00

i meant to do this with 10 days left until our trip to santa cruz but i was too sleepy yesterday to even realize. so here it is a day late.

the top 9 things i'm looking forward to about going to santa cruz:

1. flying with bonnie- not only am i not flying alone but i'm flying with someone who i always have interesting experiences with.

2. meghan and matt-it's been 2 years since i've seen them.

3. dani and kelly driving up from LA-it's also been 2 years since i've seen them.

4. DOLE WHIP-i've been hearing about dole whip for years and i loves me some pineapple so i cannot wait to eat it for every meal while i'm there.

5. funnel cakes-who doesn't love an excuse to eat funnel cake? i'd say meghan and matt living near the boardwalk is as good of an excuse as any.

6. seabright beach fireworks-because of the serious drought here in central texas there will be no fireworks so i'm glad i booked a trip out of town for 4th of july to guarantee that i will see some.

7. craft time with the ladies-meghan and dani have decided that we are going to have a craft hour, or more, which i'm sure will turn into some sort of drunken collage disaster.

8. renting a surrey in monterey-when i was a kid we rented a surrey on one of our family vacations and i've always wanted to do it again!

9. laughing until my sides aches and tears spring out of my eyes. this is guaranteed and i can't wait.

have want love 6/19

2011-06-19T22:38:00.000-05:00

{i have} the cutest nephew ever.

{i want} to win the lottery so i can pay for all the different treatments/therapies i will need to manage my fibromyalgia because otherwise i am s.o.l.

{i love} air conditioning.

vanity prevails

2011-06-17T20:57:00.001-05:00

i am unable to wear jeans right now. they are so very uncomfortable for me. if you're not familiar with the whole fibro mess, pretty much all of my soft tissue and muscles ache and certain articles of clothing are super uncomfortable. normally this wouldn't be much of a problem because it's texas in the summer, i don't need to wear jeans, i've just been wearing dresses and skirts. however, i'm going to santa cruz in 15 days and it is much cooler there than it is here. in the evenings it gets down into the 50s! i was complaining to my mom about how i didn't really know what i was going to do to keep warm without wearing jeans and she said i should wear sweatpants. seriously, sweatpants? sweatpants are not cute. well, i'll be darned if i didn't get a freaking pair of sweatpants tonight to take on my trip. i'm hoping i can also do tights or leggings under my dresses without being too uncomfortable. i guess we'll see. just because i feel bad doesn't mean i want to look bad.

let me tell you something about fibromyalgia. this shit is expensive. new wardrobe, acupuncture and aquatic therapy that are not covered by my insurance, books to teach me about what i'm in for...it's a lot. and it's a lot to process. i feel kind of lost right now even though i think i have a game plan. i think i might be in denial. it's weird because i was pretty sure i had fibromyalgia but now that i know, i feel like it's not really happening. this isn't my life, it's someone else's.

the verdict is in

2011-06-16T11:41:00.001-05:00

i have fibromyalgia.

that's the second time i've typed that since i found out and it still doesn't feel real. even though i was fairly certain that i had it, finding out for sure is really weird. my current treatment plan is to work on my sleep (not sleeping makes this disease 1000 worse) and cut out the foods mentioned in this post. i'm already looking into acupuncture and will also be looking into aquatic therapy. i feel relieved to finally know what's wrong with me but also bummed at the same time.

don't be surprised if you don't see much of me this summer. heat is terrible for people with fibromyalgia so i'll likely be doing a lot of hibernating. please invite me to places with kick ass air conditioning systems. and please be understanding if i cancel plans, it's not that i don't want to see you, i just feel like shit.

also, i have been advised by my doctor to get a new job, preferably in a low-stress office environment. if you can help me with that i would love you forever!

oops!

2011-06-15T22:32:00.000-05:00

i totally forgot to do this until just now...

{i have} an amazing family.

{i want} a new job.

{i love} my new bed.

i love my sunglasses

2011-06-15T21:34:00.000-05:00

i can't bring myself to buy expensive sunglasses but over the years i've found some shades at target that i really love. i can think of 3 different styles that i've purchased multiple pairs of because i liked them so much. i got my current pair last july and unlike the other 2 styles i've previously worn, i was never able to find them again. i look at target every time i go just in case some pop up. i shop somewhat regularly at 2 or 3 different targets so you'd think that eventually i would find them. i don't need them right now but i sure do want to have a back up pair when this pair poops out on me. well, tonight was finally the night. i found another pair. so now i can relax a little and not be quite so anal with the ones i have now. yay!

anyway, who doesn't love a photo montage of me wearing my sunglasses? i know i do!

outside of michaels in quakertown, pa

on the highline with my bff

that time it snowed in austin

sxsw

matt's el rancho with wys

crawfish boil with amber

i can't make up my mind!

2011-06-14T23:57:00.000-05:00

i am having a serious dilemma. i cannot decide if i want these shoes in yellow or turquoise. i already own a lot of clothing/accessories in turquoise so that's kind of why i'm leaning towards yellow but i'm still having a hard time deciding. if i weren't trying to save money for my trip to santa cruz i would just buy both.

help!

sunday funday, sort of

2011-06-12T21:19:00.001-05:00

i tried to revive sunday funday today but i didn't last too long. it was so hot and being out in the heat is probably the worst thing i can do right now. becoming even remotely dehydrated is really painful for me. anyway, it was nice to socialize and see josh and alicia. too bad our waitress at black sheep was horrible.

but i do have pictures!

a tito's fruitini...disgusting :(

fried cookie dough and ice cream...delicious!

john daly...yummy but made me hive-y

awkward josh...always delicious

when i got home my new bed was here! it's TALL. i hope i don't fall out of it. i had to resist the temptation to nap in it when i got home because if i nap too late in the afternoon then i won't be able to sleep at night. wait, i can't sleep at night anyway...maybe i should have just gone for that nap after all. anyway, i'm very, very excited to sleep in it tonight. in fact, i might head to bed shortly. what a grandma.

hello comfortable sleep

2011-06-11T23:00:00.000-05:00

guess what i got today?

a new bed!

i got a sealy posturepedic grassleaf firm mattress and box spring. i am beyond excited about this. i don't know how common this is but i am 28 years old and i've never had a new mattress in my life. is that crazy? well anyway, i am in desperate need of a new mattress. the one i have now is not comfortable anymore. it's i don't know how many years old. you'd have to ask jenn because it's actually her old bed, which i've had for the past...8 years? i can't remember. anyway, it's old. it served me very well until just recently when it suddenly became the most uncomfortable mattress on the planet. i'm sure that is a huge contributing factor to my discomfort at night and inability to get a good night's sleep. my new baby is being delivered tomorrow afternoon which means just one more night in agony.

i knew i needed a pretty firm bed and i spent a good amount of time laying on this one before making my decision.

i cannot wait to sleep on it!

and this guy even helped test out mattresses today. he asked the salesman, "where are the blankets?" haha he's so funny!

this just in

2011-06-09T22:29:00.000-05:00

sleeping on your back...

SUCKS!

omg the last 2 nights have been brutal. nooooo sleep. so the last 2 days have been super awesome too. brain dead doesn't even describe it. right now i can barely type this. i've had more typos than i would if i were drunk. and yet when i turn this off, do my nighttime routine, and crawl into bed i will not be able to sleep :(

road trip playlist

2011-06-09T07:56:00.003-05:00

in may of 2006 i took a road trip to new orleans with 4 other friends. we went to see gomez at tipitina's on cinco de mayo. there was a lot of partying crammed into the 1.5 days that we were there. the drive home was a little miserable, to say the least. we were listening to my ipod through one of those little radio transmitter thingies and i came up with a fun idea. i created an "on the go" playlist and handed the ipod off to let everyone pick 3 songs. then we listened to it. it was really interesting to see what songs everyone picked. it was pretty random! of course, when we got home, i burned the playlist onto cds for everyone and made custom "album" covers too. the mix was called the t&c mix after our rental car which was a chrysler town and country mini van. the album covers will make no sense to anyone else but that's okay.

carter bless you!

kelly as a bunny rabbit

from bitter with baggage seeks same, "samantha looked around the playground in amazement. her mother had been right. she really was the smartest and the prettiest."

provigil

oh, you want the playlist, don't you?

1. counting crows-round here

2. iron and wine-such great heights

3. johnny cash-hurt

4. the new amsterdams-proceed with caution

5. thievery corp-lebanese blonde

6. xavier rudd-9 times a day

7. coldplay-fix you

8. cyndi lauper-girls just wanna have fun

9. death cab-i will follow you into the dark

10. sia-breathe me

11. flaming lips-free radicals

12. men at work-down under

13. alanis morissette-hand in my pocket

14. tenacious d-wonderboy

15. modest mouse-the good times are killing me

what a trip that was.

this post was inspired by one of mama kat's writer's workshop prompts.

a new routine

2011-06-08T00:43:00.002-05:00

on monday morning i woke up with the most heinous knot in my back. i asked my mom to rub my back yesterday afternoon and when she barely touched the knot i screamed out in agony. i tried to be tough so she could rub it but i couldn't take it.

today i got some myoflex (all the other muscle rubs smell soooo gross, they make me nauseous) and had my mom put it on. i don't know that it really helped much. i did some googling and found out that i should really be sleeping on my back, with a firm (foam) pillow to balance myself out so i can try to avoid getting more knots like this in the future. this is very common for people with...fibromyalgia. of course it is!

after dinner tonight i got a new pillow and some tennis balls so i could do this:

Lie on the floor and wedge the tennis ball under you, so that it is pressing into the muscle knots around your shoulders. Then just roll around on it until you can feel the pressure releasing. If the knots are too tight and will not release, you may find that it works better in a sauna, where the heat makes the muscles more prone to relaxation. You can just take your tennis ball in with you and lie on a towel and work those knots out! If it is too painful for you to lie on the tennis ball, you can put the tennis ball in a sock and sit with your back against a wall and hang the tennis-ball-in-sock creation over your shoulder.

so my new nighttime routine is as follows:

heating bad on shoulders/back for 20 minutes (to loosen up my muscles)

tennis ball for as long as i can stand it (hopefully 5-10 minutes)

stretches and some relaxation techniques

and i made this playlist to listen to while i'm stretching/trying to relax

cat power-sea of love

explosions in the sky-your hand in mine

gary jules-mad world

imogen heap-hide and seek

faultline-your love means everything

michael andrews-peter and sylvie

sia-breathe me

grizzly bear-knife

michael andrews-goldfish

about half of those are instrumental and the rest are still super mellow. i'm really hoping the relaxation works because it will help me with my biggest challenge of all, sleeping on my back. i am a side sleeper and i always have been. i have a hell of a time falling asleep on my back but if these knots are something i'm possibly going to have to battle for the rest of my life then i'm going to have to get used to the changes.

another challenge that i will face is going straight to bed after this routine has been completed. i will have to fight the urge to jump on the computer to check things out before going to bed. doing that could end up canceling out all of the work i did to relax so i definitely need to avoid it.

wish me luck.

super attractive

2011-06-07T11:01:00.002-05:00

i go back to work tomorrow and i'll be sporting these lovely bruises, one on each arm

i hope they don't make me wear bandainds over them like they did last year when i was sporting this bad boy

house was right

2011-06-06T20:00:00.001-05:00

it's never lupus.

well, unfortunately for some people it is lupus but i got my test results back today and in my case, it's not lupus!

we aren't exactly back at square one either but pretty close. i had more blood taken today to run a couple more tests and next thursday i'm going to see a rheumatologist. the more i read about it the more i am convinced it's fibromyalgia. luckily i start taking gabapentin tonight for my headaches and gabapentin is also used in the treatment of chronic pain, in many cases, caused by fibromyalgia. so if it is fibromyalgia, maybe i'll start seeing some relief soon? i hope so!

it's funny the way things change

2011-06-06T00:20:00.000-05:00

gomez.

gomez.

where do i even begin with gomez?

let's just say that our relationship started out hot and heavy and remained that way for many years until suddenly it was painful to stay in the relationship. i have made what i know are lifelong friends thanks to gomez and i will never forget them for that. however, what i would like to forget are the last 3 albums they've released.

i've seen some good gomez shows in the middle of those subpar albums. i've also seen some bad ones, though and i don't have time for the bad ones anymore. i have so many incredible memories (hazy though some of them may be) and i don't want to taint that with anymore bad experiences. this might be a stretch for some of you to understand but i guess it's kind of like when a television show bows out while they're still pretty much on top, leaving before it has a chance to get bad. i've emotionally, and physically (you know, by not traveling across the country to see them anymore), detached myself before it can get any worse. that may sound harsh to some but it's true.

part of being in a friendship with someone is that you enjoy their company and you care for them, so of course you would never picture your life without them. when you're in it, you can't ever imagine being out of it. that's how i feel about my love for gomez. i can admit wholeheartedly to you that i never imagined my feelings for the band, and its music, would fade so quickly and so hard and yet here i am writing this blog post. we're close a new gomez album release but, for once, i am not setting myself up for disappointment. i have accepted the reality that we have gone in different directions and that i do not have to force myself to like something just because i think i should, because i once did. i've asked this question a few times to friends who were having problems with other friends, "if you were to meet this person today, do you think you would forge a friendship with them?" if i were to "meet" gomez today, do i think i would become the fanatic that i once was? absolutely not.

earlier i wrote about how i had been having a difficult time listening to joseph arthur. i also have a difficult time listening to gomez but it's for different reasons. i used to have a friend who absolutely loved ac/dc. i think they were probably his 2nd or 3rd favorite band and i had never met anyone who liked them as much as he did. i still haven't. we are no longer friends and anytime ac/dc comes on the radio i have to change it because it reminds me of this amazing friendship that abruptly ended for seemingly no reason. when gomez comes up on shuffle, even the good songs, i can't quite bring myself to listen to them because it reminds me of an amazing friendship that i abruptly ended. i think eventually when i'm further removed from these emotions i'll be able to listen to those great albums that made me fall in love with them in the first place but for now it's easier for me to pretend that they don't exist.

i feel like this all seems extremely harsh and that isn't necessarily my intention. the bottom line is that we're just different now and it's the end of an era for me. this isn't an attack on their entire musical catalogue by any means, it's the realization that i can just walk away. i don't have to hold on to something that was once special to me just because it was once special to me.

i mean, i don't still love new kids on the block and they were once extremely special to me.

but really, this slideshow that kerry made 4 years ago kind of epitomizes why i stuck around for as long as i did, even after the music started going downhill: the people.

sometimes you just need to shuffle

2011-06-05T21:31:00.000-05:00

i am having a difficult time finding the words to set the stage for this story so be patient and hopefully you'll get what it is i'm trying to say.

last summer i took a short trip to pennsylvania to see some friends and a joseph arthur concert. if you missed that, you can read about it here, here, and here. it was truly one of the best weekends i've ever had and since then i've had a difficult time listening to joseph arthur. isn't that silly? it's not just that his music reminds me of that trip but his music reminds me of how fucking fantastic he is to see live and how it's been sooooo long since i've seen him. so in a sense, i've been afraid to listen to his music because i was afraid it would make me sad or too nostalgic. i even hesitated buying his new album, for cryin' out loud. something must be done about this!

i've been watching tv pretty much all day until i decided i felt like letting itunes take the wheel for a while. i muted the baseball game (it's just the mets/braves anyway) and put itunes on shuffle. i don't remember the first couple of songs that played and i'm too lazy to go back and look but the next 3 songs were all joseph arthur songs. when the first one came on i almost skipped past it but i decided that tonight would be the night that i conquered whatever weirdness i had about listening to his music. then the next song was his, and then another, and all i felt was happiness. it was the push i needed to buy his new album, which i must say, only a few songs in, is absolutely brilliant.

joe and me during sxsw 2008

and maybe later i'll write about a band that i can hardly stand to listen to anymore, no matter what itunes has to say about it.

because one of you might care

2011-06-05T15:01:00.002-05:00

updates on my health condition(s):

-my blood work from tuesday revealed that i have an under-active thyroid, also known as hypothyroidism. i haven't gotten any other results back buuuut hypothyroidism could explain most, if not all, of the symptoms i've been experiencing. i started medication for this yesterday. this condition is very easy to manage, the biggest pain is regular blood tests to check thyroxine levels.

-i've been extremely lightheaded since wednesday. at first it was just when i was up and walking around but by friday it was all the time, sitting, laying down, walking, etc. i know it's probably because of the thyroid condition but that doesn't make it any less troublesome. my sister ended up having to drive me to an urgent care center on friday night because i felt so awful. they prescribed meclozine which hasn't really helped me at all. meclozine is more commonly used for motion sickness and dizziness but i'm not dizzy, i'm lightheaded.

-they also ran some quick blood tests while i was there and apparently my blood glucose was, like, off the charts high. normally my blood glucose is fairly low, sometimes even dipping into hypoglycemic levels. i can't understand why i'm suddenly hyperglycemic but i'm hoping it was just a one-off thing or something. i'll probably find out tomorrow (when i go see my regular doctor) if it was high on my labs from last week or not.

-the plan is to go back to work on wednesday. hopefully my thyroid medicine will start working by then and this lightheadedness will go away because otherwise i don't think i'll last more than a couple of hours at work.

-i hope i feel 100% better in 27 days or less because i refuse to miss my trip to santa cruz or to be miserable while i'm there.

something new

2011-06-05T10:52:00.004-05:00

i ran across a travel writer's list called i have i want i love and i decided that it sounded like something i would like to do. i'm not going to make a big long list like that writer did, rather i'm going to try to post something i have, want, and love each week. it could get interesting but it could also fizzle out quickly. i guess we'll see.

{i have} tried to maintain a positive attitude this weekend despite feeling pretty shitty.

{i want} 4th of july weekend to arrive swiftly.

{i love} my sister for many reasons but this morning i love her for cooking breakfast for me.

two down, one to go

2011-06-02T00:54:00.001-05:00

my EEG and MRI were both normal, which i knew they would be. so now i just sit and wait for the results of my blood work. just to clarify, in case anyone was wondering, the EEG and MRI are unrelated to the lupus test. the first two were ordered by my neurologist to check on my headaches and the lupus test was ordered by my regular doctor. you may remember last week i mentioned fibromyalgia and the lupus test is to address those symptoms as well. the two conditions have similar symptoms but, obviously, if i had to chose one to have i would chose fibromyalgia.

right now i'm dealing with not being able to sleep because i'm too uncomfortable. i have a low grade fever and i feel like it's a million degrees in here. my back hurts, my hips hurt, my shoulders hurt, my head hurts...i normally sleep on my sides but it hurts my hips so bad when i lay on my sides right now. i absolutely cannot sleep on my stomach and it takes me about 3 hours to fall asleep if i have to sleep on my back.

i genuinely hate complaining so much but this is consuming my entire life at the moment and i am totally miserable. and you know what? my biggest fear right now isn't having lupus, my biggest fear is being this miserable for much longer without an answer or a solution. i honestly don't know how much longer i can do this.

taking some time

2011-05-31T19:06:00.001-05:00

this morning my doctor told me that i needed to be tested for lupus. i've seen house, i know that it's never lupus. so now i just have to convince myself that it's never lupus. i read a lot about it earlier and i honestly don't think that i have it because i don't have many of the symptoms. but i have to wait about a week to get my results. i still really think if it's anything, it's fibromyalgia. but i'm not a doctor.

i had an EEG this morning also. you're supposed to be sleep deprived for an EEG so i was only allowed to sleep for 4 hours last night. that was poor timing because i only slept about 4 hours the night before as well. thanks, insomnia. anyway, today was pretty awful. i was so tired and emotional about everything that's happening and not happening. last week was very difficult for me in terms of work. i was miserable all week but somehow i managed to get it together to go to work every day. yeah, not this week. i'm actually not working at all this week. i just can't right now. it's too much.

i'm getting an MRI tomorrow morning which will show nothing. i've had countless numbers of MRIs that were all normal. at this point i would probably die of shock if they actually found something physically wrong with my brain.

are couch sores a thing?

2011-05-28T23:36:00.001-05:00

because i'm pretty sure i'm going to get them if they are. i've been on the couch for the better part of 17 hours. and by "better part" i probably mean 12? i don't know. anyway, i've been fairly miserable all day.

at one point this morning i think i legitimately thought i was dying. i had to cancel plans with my friend bonnie who was planning on driving up from san antonio for the afternoon/evening, then i also had to bail on plans to see a friend from out of town. i was invited to a bbq tomorrow being hosted by great old friends of mine but i honestly doubt that i'll make it. this isn't the most exciting way to spend a 3 day weekend, is it?

i want to write about things other than how shitty i feel but it's pretty much all i can think about. and since i'm not really doing anything, what do i have to write about? oh, here's something, i watched a marathon of swamp people with my family tonight. i'm not even kidding. that show is ridiculous but i am totally sucked in. i also made these sloppy joes which were pretty good. i added the onion powder, garlic powder, salt, and worcestershire sauce to the raw ground beef then let it sit in the refrigerator for about 30 minutes before browning it. it makes a huge difference to season the meat rather than just the sauce. next time i am probably only going to use half the vinegar that the recipe calls for. i don't really like vinegar very much and the flavor was a little too strong for my liking. but overall they were really good and super easy. and like the recipe post says, way better than the canned variety.

fibromywhaaa?

2011-05-26T22:13:00.001-05:00

on sunday morning i woke up in an extreme amount of pain. my shoulders and back were unbelievably sore for no reason. i felt like someone beat the crap out of me or i spent all day saturday helping someone move a 5 story house. throughout the day all of the rest of my muscles began to ache in the same way until i was absolutely miserable and have been ever since.

the term fibromyalgia came up and, it kind of makes sense. i'm not saying that i have it, but i'm not saying that i don't have it. i have a lot of the symptoms and it all just sort of adds up. i need to go in and get the 18 point tender test done which i already know i'm tender in at least 12 of them. fibromyalgia is kind of difficult to diagnose but they say if you're tender in at least 11 of these 18 spots then you pretty much have it. here is a basic list of symptoms of fibromyalgia:

Chronic muscle pain, muscle spasms or tightness, weakness in the limbs, and leg cramps

Moderate or severe fatigue and decreased energy

Insomnia or waking up feeling just as tired as when you went to sleep

Stiffness upon waking or after staying in one position for too long

Difficulty remembering, concentrating, and performing simple mental tasks (“fibro fog”)

Abdominal pain, bloating, nausea, and constipation alternating with diarrhea (irritable bowel syndrome)

Tension or migraine headaches

Jaw and facial tenderness

Sensitivity to one or more of the following: odors, noise, bright lights, medications, certain foods, and cold

Feeling anxious or depressed

Numbness or tingling in the face, arms, hands, legs, or feet

Increase in urinary urgency or frequency (irritable bladder)

Reduced tolerance for exercise and muscle pain after exercise

A feeling of swelling (without actual swelling) in the hands and feet

Painful menstrual periods

Dizziness

i have, like, most of those symptoms, not even exaggerating.

top 7 food items that someone with fibromyalgia should avoid:

1. Aspartame

2. Food additives (including MSG) and nitrates

3. Sugar, fructose, and simple carbohydrates

4. Caffeine

5. Yeast and gluten

6. Dairy

7. Nightshade plants: tomatoes, chili and bell peppers, potatoes, and eggplants

3-7 make me very, very sad. especially #7. i could do without all the other nightshade plants but potatoes. omg potatoes :(

so, while i obviously don't want this disorder, it would explain basically everything that has ever been wrong with me. but potatoes? why does it have to be potatoes?

hell has frozen over

2011-05-17T10:44:00.002-05:00

and i am going back to acl festival this year for the firs time since 2007. i'm not doing all 3 days though, oh no, i'm too old for that shit, i am only going on sunday. when you have 3 of my favorite live acts playing at a festival on the same day i guess there's a good chance that i'll want to go. now let's just hope that the weather is decent, shall we?

anyway, here are the sunday bands i'm most excited about seeing. and i swear to christ if i have any major scheduling conflicts once the grids are released i will cut someone so hard!

arcade fire

fleet foxes

randy newman

ryan bingham and the dead horses

broken social scene

elbow

the walkmen

gomez

joseph arthur

super adorableness

2011-05-16T20:39:00.000-05:00

enough complaining, for now...how about 2 totally adorable pictures?

my sister, looking alarming like like baby karsten (or vice versa)

and me, when nels first saw this picture he said, "baby nels in a bib!"

damn we were cute kids.

it's raining cats and dogs

2011-05-15T18:41:00.001-05:00

it's not actually raining cats and dogs. no, here in central texas we are in a serious drought. but you know that old saying, "when it rains it pours?" it's pouring in my world. late this morning i was outside with my nephew and i rolled my ankle off the sidewalk and fell flat on my face, bruising up my leg and ankle. because, you know, things aren't rough enough around here for me right now! so on top of the crippling head/neck/shoulder pain now i have an aching right leg and foot. awesome, right? i am a mess. my whole body aches from falling down too. i'm an old lady now, i guess.

and apparently i have the worst health insurance in the history of health insurance and i can't even afford to pay all of my medical bills right now. i'm not sure what i'm paying almost $300 a month for if i can't even pay my fucking hospital bill :( and i had to miss my new volunteer orientation for austin pets alive today because i couldn't drive myself all the way to pflugerville and then sit in a meeting for 2 hours. there's another orientation on june 5 so hopefully i can make it to that one.

but it's not all horrible over here. i made my very first pot roast today and it was not terrible. it was actually quite delicious. so even though i burnt myself taking it out of the crock pot, it was an over all success. i probably would have lost my mind if it had turned out badly. i'm all fragile and crazy from these steroids and i don't want to deal with anymore bad stuff. please, no more bad stuff.

a change of venue

2011-05-13T18:05:00.001-05:00

i decided to move all of my serious health related craps back over to my headache blog. i know you want to be kept in the loop so follow it!

i slept almost 8 hours today after i got home from the hospital. now my parents are at lamberts, then going to see jackson browne and my sister is hanging with some friends. i'm home alone on the couch and will most likely be flipping back and forth between the yankees/red sox game ands svu. not a bad friday night though, really. how are you spending your friday night? probably not catching up on blogs.

motherboy

2011-05-09T22:19:00.000-05:00

if you have seen arrested development then you know what motherboy means. if you haven't, you may want to check this out. anyway, i've posted a couple of examples of nels and cecily looking a lot alike but it's nothing compared to how much karsten resembles her (and my mom).

also, he might be the cutest baby on the planet, no?

mineral face

2011-05-09T20:50:00.000-05:00

let's lighten things up around here, huh?

i bought face makeup the other day. i honestly couldn't tell you when the last time was that i bought makeup for my face but the last time i had any was when i got a free powder from origins about 6 years ago. the only makeup i've worn since then is eyeshadow, eyeliner, and mascara. sometimes i wear lipgloss but that is pretty rare.

anyway, a week or so ago i started thinking that maybe it was time for me to wear real makeup. i'm not a kid anymore. i didn't want too spend much money though in case i immediately decided that i, in fact, still dislike face makeup. i went with some elf products and i have to say, i am pleased with the results.

without foundation+powder

with foundation+powder

my cheeks are still red, as they probably always will be, but i can definitely see a difference. and it only cost me $10.

that sunscreen song

2011-05-08T14:37:00.003-05:00

we all know everybody's free (to wear sunscreen), right? of course, in my youth, i thought some parts of it were kind of funny but i never really gave much thought to it because, well, it was wasted on me, which is kind of the point. i recently read the text again, written by mary schmich, and holy hell did it hit home. nearly all of it, in fact, struck me in one way or another.

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

cross your fingers for me

2011-05-07T22:01:00.002-05:00

i've tried to keep my weird health related issues out of this blog but i guess that's not always possible for me. last month i told y'all about my anxiety issues that were becoming unmanageable. for several months i've been taking a drug called nortriptyline for my migraines/neuralgia but my doctor said i really shouldn't take nortriptyline with sertraline (for my anxiety) so i stopped taking it. i called my neurologist to see if he could call in something else for me that was also used to treat migraines and neuralgia but wouldn't react poorly with sertraline (i actually know of a specific drug that would be perfect for me). instead of prescribing something new he told his nurse to call me and tell me that it was fine for me to take the two drugs together. my primary doctor and my pharmacist both strongly warned me against doing this! i had already been thinking about "firing" my neurologist because he just doesn't seem to care anymore. for example, i get dizzy a lot and i finally mentioned that to him at one of my check ups and he said, "well keep an eye on that." I HAVE BEEN KEEPING AN EYE ON IT, THAT'S WHY I'M TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW. ugh. so after this bullshit with medication i'm officially on the hunt for a new neurologist.

there's one, dr. cain, who i saw several years ago for a while who i really liked. i stopped seeing him because i was doing really well and just didn't need him anymore. then somehow i ended up going to a different doctor, and then another doctor. anyway, i want to go back to dr. cain but it's not as easy as calling and making an appointment. he's probably not taking new patients at this point so i had to give them all of my information regarding symptoms, previous diagnosis, and doctors i've seen in the past. the lady i talked to said she would give it to dr. cain and then they would call me and let me know if i could make an appointment. i really hope he will take me back because i don't even know how to begin to find a neurologist who will work with me.

of all times to be "between" neurologists, i have been having something funky happening recently. i'm not even sure that it's neurological but luckily i have an appointment with my regular doctor on monday so i can talk with him about it. the something funky is that i have been getting a very cold, wet sensation in my left foot, between my first 2 toes. it has happened several times this week and each time i legitimately think i have stepped in a puddle or something has dripped on me from somewhere and each time there is nothing there. i've also had a couple of times where i felt something cold and wet dripping down my leg except, you guessed it, nothing was there. i don't like to dig too far into the internet with questions about these types of things because i'm pretty sure i'll convince myself that i have ms or something. buuuut the things i did read all point towards some sort of nerve problem ie pinched or damaged nerve. or maybe it's nothing. that would be awesome! so, if you could cross your fingers that i get in to see dr. cain i would really appreciate it. i need all the help i can get! my headaches are getting worse and worse by the day because i'm not medicated and i'm not sure how much longer i can do this. i know i could probably ask my primary doctor to prescribe something but as far as dosing and what would work best for my conditions, i should really see a neurologist.

and my anxiety seems to be getting both better and worse. it's hard to explain but i've developed some lovely intestinal problems as well as some sort of stress/anxiety rash. i get itchy a lot, mostly on my arms, but there's rarely ever a visible rash. the itching isn't contained to my arms, sometimes it's my legs and stomach, but mostly it's the arms. and it's really only when i'm at work or trying to fall asleep. ugh, so annoying.

no cars go

2011-05-05T09:46:00.001-05:00

arcade fire played at the backyard on tuesday night. it was a night i had been looking forward to for about 4 years (since the last time they played in austin). it exceeded my expectations and then some. i can't quite describe it but it was definitely one of the best concert experiences of my life. it was so good, in fact, that i managed to forget all about the horrible traffic i sat in waiting to get into the venue.

it took me about an hour to go just a few miles. i almost peed my pants. i kept having to talk myself down by saying that surely i would be inside by the time arcade fire went on because it was 7:00 and i knew they wouldn't go on until around 9:00. i sent my sister (who was already there) a text saying that i didn't know when i would be there because i was stuck in traffic and, "no cars go." which, if you don't know, is a song by arcade fire. i thought it was funny. haha!

i think my sister may or may not have cried during the song "haiti" which she cried at 6 years ago when we saw them at lollapalooza. i can't say that i blame her, it is beautiful and sad. overall it was a truly magical evening. i hope you go see arcade fire if you ever have the chance to. i read in a review of the concert yesterday that it's impressive how they still play with so much love and energy, like they still have something to prove even though they really don't. it's good to see that they're not pulling a kings of leon and calling it in for the rest of their career.

santa cruz and monterey

2011-05-04T23:19:00.000-05:00

as i mentioned a few weeks ago, i'm going to santa cruz for the 4th of july. since i last discussed the trip a couple of wonderful things have happened. 1) i found out my great friend sarah, who lives in LA, will be in big sur that weekend and big sur is a little over an hour from santa cruz and 2) not only did i convince my friend bonnie to come out for the weekend but i convinced her to drive up from san antonio and fly there and back with me! i almost always fly alone so it's superrrr exciting to have a travel buddy! also, a couple other ladies from LA are more than likely going to drive up to sc for the weekend too. yay!

so we're thinking of spending a large portion of one of the days in monterey. sarah and aaron can drive up from big sur and we can check out a winery, go on the 17 mile drive, rent bikes in the pacific grove, check out the monarch butterflies and, of course, go to the aquarium. meghan also mentioned that we could go mock tourists at bubba gump's which i think sounds like a blast. haha!

bonnie and i are currently on a mission to collect as many southwest airlines drink coupons as we can. we really want to celebrate the fact that we're flying together. she always flies solo too so this is momentous! now i just need to survive the next 2 months. i hope it goes by fast because i am dying to spend an awesome weekend with some fabulous friends! i've started following groupon santa cruz on twitter to see if i can find any good deals that we need to snatch up. there isn't a groupon for monterey though. boo!

30 day song challenge day 30: your favorite song at this time last year

2011-05-04T09:23:00.001-05:00

day 30: your favorite song at this time last year

in late february last year i was introduced to leslie hall. i probably watched this video every day for 2 months (because my nephew also loved it) until i got sort of burnt out on it. i still love it though, just in smaller doses.

and that's the end of my 30 day song challenge!

30 day song challenge day 29: a song from your childhood

2011-05-03T09:22:00.000-05:00

day 29: a song from your childhood

i have many fond memories involving music from my childhood but this is the song that has stuck with me the most.

next up, day 30: your favorite song at this time last year

30 day song challenge day 28: a song that makes you feel guilty

2011-05-02T07:24:00.000-05:00

day 28: a song that makes you feel guilty

i've had a lot of trouble with this one. there aren't any songs that make me feel guilty. i thought and thought and thought about this and finally came up with a song from rabbit furcoat by jenny lewis and the watson twins. the reason i feel guilty about this is because it is hands down one of my favorite albums of the last 10 years and i never paid for it. i know a lot of people who don't pay for any music but if it's something i really love, i feel like i should pay for it.

next up, day 29: a song from your childhood

van the man

2011-05-01T11:33:00.000-05:00

for the first 2.5ish years of his life, my nephew nels looooved bob marley. i think most kids do if their parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles play it for them. i'm sure nels still loves bob but he's really into van morrison these days. here are two adorable videos to demonstrate his love of van the man.

my next project is to try to get him to perform caravan complete with the high kicks that van does in the last waltz. it's a classic moment!

30 day song challenge day 27: a song you wish you could play

2011-05-01T09:05:00.002-05:00

day 27: a song you wish you could play

the first time i heard this song was live at emo's about 9 years ago. i instantly fell in love and have loved it ever since. i stil hope to hear this song every time i see ben kweller. if i could play any song, it would be this one.

next up, day 28: a song that makes you feel guilty

30 day song challenge day 26: a song that you can play on an instrument

2011-04-30T07:51:00.000-05:00

day 26: a song that you can play on an instrument

if i were completely honest i would post hot cross buns because i'm pretty sure that's the only song i can still play on an instrument but let's go back in time 15 years and pretend that i'm in 7th grade honors band, where i rocked the shit out of this song on the french horn.

next up, day 27: a song that you wish you could play

shameless plug

2011-04-29T07:19:00.001-05:00

do yourselves a favor and head over to my baking blog to see what these cupcakes are all about. they are without a doubt the cutest and yummiest cupcakes i've ever made.

30 day song challenge day 25: a song that makes you laugh

2011-04-29T06:38:00.001-05:00

day 25: song that makes you laugh

this song has been cracking my shit up since the late 90s. i don't hear it often (at all) anymore but it was the first thing that came to mind when i tried to think of a song that makes me laugh.

next up, day 26: a song that you can play on an instrument

30 day song challenge day 24: a song that you want to play at your funeral

2011-04-28T09:03:00.000-05:00

day 24: a song that you want to play at your funeral

i didn't even have to think about this because this song has been on my brain for funeral play for years. it's unfortunate that that mandy moore movie, how to deal, stole my idea but hopefully no one will remember that by the time i die. i honestly don't think that anyone remembers that now.

next up, day 25: a song that makes you laugh

railroad revival tour

2011-04-27T19:58:00.001-05:00

last night the railroad revival tour rolled through austin. it was incredible. i missed all of old crow medicine show because i had to work late but edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros really impressed me. i haven't been too wild about the music but seeing it live was a very different experience for me. and i didn't think it was possible for mumford and sons to get any better but they have since the last time i saw them. and i absolutely love the new songs they played. it was a wonderful night with wonderful friends. i feel so lucky to live in one of the 6 cities that this tour stopped in!

30 day song challenge day 23: a song that you want to play at your wedding

2011-04-27T00:14:00.000-05:00

day 23: a song that you want to play at your wedding

i don't think i'll ever get married but if i do, this song must be played at my wedding.

next up, day 24: a song that you want to play at your funeral

30 day song challenge day 22: a song that you listen to when you're sad

2011-04-26T08:40:00.006-05:00

day 22: a song you listen to when you're sad

this song reminds me of some sad, sad times. i guess some people might listen to happy music when they're sad, you know, to cheer themselves up but apparently i like to wallow in my sadness.

next up, day 23: a song that you want to play at your wedding

30 day song challenge day 21: a song that you listen to when you're happy

2011-04-25T06:38:00.002-05:00

day 21: a song you listen to when you're happy

i don't know if i listen to this when i'm happy or if i become happy when i listen to this but either way, it's my pick for this day. i simply cannot hear this song without smiling.

next up, day 22: a song that you listen to when you're sad

30 day song challenge day 20: a song that you listen to when you're angry

2011-04-24T08:34:00.000-05:00

day 20: a song that you listen to when you're angry

i'm not sure exactly what it is about this song that makes me feel angsty/angry but it's probably the line, "and mexico can fucking wait." i can't think of any other song that i "listen to when i'm angry" so this is it!

next up, day 21: a song that you listen to when you're happy

30 day song challenge day 19: a song from your favorite album

2011-04-23T06:24:00.000-05:00

day 19: a song from your favorite album

i don't have a favorite song, or a favorite band, so what do you think the chances are that i have a favorite album? pretty damn slim. this is my favorite song off of one of my favorite albums. how about that?

next up, day 20: a song that you listen to when you're angry

30 day song challenge day 18: a song that you wish you heard on the radio

2011-04-22T06:37:00.005-05:00

day 18: a song that you wish you heard on the radio

if you've been around these parts for a while you might know that i have undying love for a little band from l.a. called buddy. i only listen to the radio when i'm driving in my car and if i heard buddy on the radio, i would have to pull over and squeal with excitement. i've heard this song live once and it made me cry. buddy should be on the radio. everyone should know buddy because i think everyone would love buddy.

next up, day 19: a song from your favorite album

30 day song challenge day 17: a song that you hear often on the radio

2011-04-21T00:09:00.000-05:00

day 17: a song that you hear often on the radio

i've been hearing this song on the radio A LOT lately and i really, really love it. i hope it's on a radio near you too.

next up, day 18: a song that you wish you heard on the radio

another one bites the dust

2011-04-20T23:17:00.001-05:00

i know that not everyone wants to spend their entire lives in one city, i get that. it doesn't make it any easier for me when my closest and best friends keep moving away though. last week i got the news that my friend joshua is moving to washington dc with his fiance, johnny. i am genuinely happy for them, i know josh has been wanting to experience what life is like somewhere other than austin but i cannot even begin to process this information. i told him that i'm just going to do what i did when dana moved away, deny the reality until a month after he's gone.

josh and i have been friends since our sophomore year of high school. we've seen and done it all together from brunch to late night dance parties at beauty bar to even later night marathons of reno 911 to tarot card readings while listening to the doors to flying kites while wearing fake mustaches. when i think about not being able to see him whenever i want i get teary eyed. i knew that this move was coming but i think i somehow convinced myself that it wasn't actually going to happen. well, it's happening sometime this summer or fall. i better make the most of the next few months!

stay on the train and go to the zoo!

2011-04-20T21:52:00.000-05:00

there is an episode of curious george where the man in the yellow hat is taking george to the zoo to see a komodo dragon. they get on the subway to head to the zoo and somehow they become separated. this episode stresses me out because i'm a weirdo. i hate watching it. it came on pbs the other morning and i said, "ughhh i've seen this episode so many times, i can't stand it!" and my mom said, "well nels probably doesn't remember that he's seen it before." fast forward about 10 minutes when nels is quoting along with the man in the yellow hat, "stay on the train and go to the zoo!" i nearly died laughing.

later that day i was telling my sister about nels quoting along with that episode and she said, "well, i think the man in the yellow hat does say that several times in that episode so maybe he wasn't really quoting it from previous viewings." i didn't buy it and on sunday i asked nels, "what does the man in the yellow hat say to george when they're going to the zoo?" and nels said, "STAY ON THE TRAIN AND GO TO THE ZOOOO!"

also, while trying to find a screencap from this episode to post, i found this transcript and the man only says that line once in it! and since there are no decent screencaps how about i leave you with this picture of curious nels?

30 day song challenge day 16: a song that you used to love but now you hate

2011-04-20T07:07:00.001-05:00

day 16: a song that you used to love but now you hate

i really liked this song the first, let's say, 2 dozen times i heard it on the radio. it's the subsequent 100,000 dozen times i've heard it since then that makes me hate it. i suppose radio play is what most artists desire but too much radio play can absolutely be a bad thing. in the case of "dog days are over" it's definitely a bad thing because i absolutely loathe this song now.

next up, day 17: a song that you hear often on the radio

seabright beach

2011-04-19T22:15:00.000-05:00

today i confirmed a little 4 day vacation to santa cruz to visit some friends who i haven't seen in almost 2 years. 2 years! anyway, it's over the 4th of july weekend and i cannot wait! my friends live about a mile from seabright beach. do you know what seabright beach looks like on the 4th of july? i didn't until just a few minutes ago.

via

holy crap, i am so excited! i'm also excited to wander around the boardwalk, laugh with my friends, and enjoy what i know will be cooler weather. it's necessary to get out of texas during the summer, even if it's just for a few days.

30 day song challenge day 15: a song that describes you

2011-04-19T07:26:00.001-05:00

day 15: a song that describes you

i really can't think of a song that describes me but parts of this song do so i guess it will have to work. i don't have much to say because it's kind of sad that this song describes me.

next up, day 16: a song that you used to love but now you hate

30 day song challenge day 14: a song that no one would expect you to love

2011-04-18T07:17:00.005-05:00

day 14: a song that no one would expect you to love

i sort of shot this wad yesterday with my guilty pleasure, didn't i? i don't really know that i like anything that would surprise people. there are a few people who won't be surprised to learn that i love this song but it's the only thing i could think of. i've loved "my hometown" since the very first time i heard it about a million years ago. it's not just because he mentions austin in it either! it's just a great song with some great memories attached to it. unfortunately this version has edited great lines such as, "and we spent it all on pot," and, "gonna pack my bags a little heavy this time, gonna head my ass back home." i guess it's kind of like, "yippee ki yay, mister falcon!" huh?

next up, day 15: a song that describes you

30 day song challenge day 13: a song that is a guilty pleasure

2011-04-17T07:13:00.001-05:00

day 13: a song that is a guilty pleasure.

i don't have much to say about this because i'm pretty sure this is a guilty pleasure for a lot of people. i can't even explain what it is about this paparazzi but i kind of love it and i kind of hate that i love it. guilty pleasure, right? i don't really care for the official video for this song so i'm not going to post it.

next up, day 14: a song that no one would expect you to love

30 day song challenge day 12: a song from a band you hate

2011-04-16T02:32:00.002-05:00

day 12: a song from a band you hate

sort of like the day where i had to post my least favorite song, there was a lot of material to chose from for this one. ultimately it boiled down the fact that not only is this band absolutely terrible, but i also feel like i have to hear about them all the time since they're from texas. i won't apologize to anyone who might be a fan of blue october but i also won't ridicule you because there's no accounting for taste. also, i think i have that exact same eyeshadow that the lead singer is wearing.

next up, day 13: a song that is a guilty pleasure

30 day song challenge day 11: a song from your favorite band

2011-04-15T00:23:00.003-05:00

day 11: a song from your favorite band

do you have any idea how hard it is to pick one song by your favorite band to post? it is HARD, especially when your favorite band has something like 10 albums worth of beautiful music to chose from. i can't quite articulate the reasons i chose this particular song but here you go, "hummingbird" by wilco.

next up, day 12: a song from a band you hate

30 day song challenge day 10: a song that makes you fall asleep

2011-04-14T07:20:00.000-05:00

day 10: a song that makes you fall asleep.

for the longest time i listened to this song every night as i was trying to fall asleep because it relaxes the hell out of me. i think the connotation of "makes you fall asleep" is that it's boring but this song is anything but boring, it is complex and fascinating. i know that grizzly bear isn't for everyone but i urge you to listen to this because it's just amazing. and if you hate it, then you can think that i'm a weirdo.

next up, day 11: a song from your favorite band

i can't say that i'm surprised

2011-04-13T21:37:00.001-05:00

a few weeks ago i had some issues breathing and pain in my chest when i tried to take a deep breath. i went to a walk-in clinic by my work and they put me on steroids and gave me an inhaler. after a week or so the chest pain seemed to go away but i still had to use the inhaler every couple of days. the inhaler never really seemed to help with my problem though. it's hard to describe but i basically felt like i could never catch my breath. my breathing was shallow and i never felt like my lungs were filling up. the inhaler was more for chest tightness or wheezing, which i didn't have.

on sunday it got really bad so i decided i needed to do something about it. i went to see my doctor, who i haven't seen in months, and he gave me a diagnosis that didn't really surprise me once i thought about it. it's hyperventilation caused by anxiety. i have been more anxious and stressed out the past couple of months than i ever have in my entire life. i know it's all related to my work situation but, unfortunately, i can't do anything about that right now so onto the medications i go. i'm not ashamed to admit any of this because i know that there's no reason to be. sometimes we just can't do it on our own. i sincerely hope that this helps because i have been a total mess lately. i have jumped head first into this baking thing because it's something that i like to do that i am also good at. it's therapeutic for me. i hardly ever have the energy or desire to go out these days and baking at home is a way for me to still do something other than just lay in bed all day and night.

marfa=western kansas?

2011-04-13T12:44:00.002-05:00

marfa is very "in" right now. it's quickly becoming one of those places where everyone wants to go at least once, just to experience. well, i don't mean everyone, but everyone that is remotely cool or hip and living in the state of texas. for the last year or so i've said repeatedly, "i still want to go to marfa..." but i have yet to actually go.

a few of my friends have been there recently and when i looked through their pictures i realized something, i've been there before. i haven't been there there but i've been places that look pretty much identical to marfa. i spent a large portion of my childhood summers about 750 miles north of marfa in western kansas. the scenery is similar except from marfa you can see some mountainous hills in the distance and from western kansas you can just see forever because it's so flat. some natives of lubbock will claim that it has "more sky" but i think brownell, ks has even more sky. and the unbelievable sunsets that people talk about seeing in marfa are just the same as the ones in western kansas. i should know because my uncle has probably used 100+ rolls of film documenting their intense sunsets. colors so vivid that they cannot even be imagined. western kansas probably has more trees than marfa though. anyway, it all got me thinking about some of these pictures i took up there a few years ago. the colors were unbelievably vivid but i just converted these to black and white and i love them just as much, but in a different way. these pictures make me think of in cold blood because i guess that's what comes to mind when i think of black and white kansas.

big propane tank at the farm

grain elevator

wheat field with the grain elevator far off in the distance

(click on it to view it a bit larger, i love the grain elevator in this shot)

30 day song challenge day 9: a song you can dance to

2011-04-13T07:06:00.000-05:00

day 9: a song you can dance to

i'm not much for dancing. i might do some dorky little moves at a concert but as far as really dancing goes, i don't like it. however, i find myself boogieing anytime i hear "ready for the floor" by hot chip. can you listen to it without wanting to dance?

next up, day 10: a song that makes you fall asleep

30 day song challenge day 8: a song that you know all the words to

2011-04-12T00:45:00.000-05:00

day 8: a song that you know all the words to

i almost used this song for day 15 "a song that describes you" but i changed my mind. i know all the words to this because it's short, catchy, and about me. though, when i sing it, i'm obviously singing stefanie, not stephanie :)

next up, day 9: a song that you can dance to

30 day song challenge day 7: a song that reminds you of a certain event

2011-04-11T00:20:00.004-05:00

day 7: a song that reminds you of a certain event

in february of 2008 my brother-in-law and i braved the crowds to see obama speak outside of the capitol. we had to park blocks away and then stand for hours waiting for the rally to actually begin. i thought my feet were going to fall off my body and i think i wanted them to fall off so the pain would subside! anyway, it was worth every painful step there and back to see obama in person. after the rally was over they played "the underdog" and now i've never been able to hear this song without thinking of that night.

next up, day 8: a song that you know all the words to

30 day song challenge day 6: a song that reminds you of somewhere

2011-04-10T08:24:00.003-05:00

day 6: a song that reminds you of somewhere

i'm going to post an excerpt from this post rather than try to think of another way to tell this story.

last friday bonnie, robin, and i went for a walk around japantown in san francisco. we ended up in a japanese supermarket looking for milk. while we were waiting in line to check out, "lights" by journey started blaring through the speaker right above our heads. prior to that, i had "i can't wait" by nu shooz stuck in my head because i always have to listen to that song in san francisco (it reminds me of megz!). well, ever since that moment i have had "lights" stuck in my head. i've heard it on the radio twice since then. i think the radio play is to blame for it still being stuck in my head all these days later. before last friday i cannot even begin to remember the last time i heard that song. now it seems to be everywhere i go!

on my next trip to san francisco i heard "lights" in the airport right after walking off the plane. even without the fact that that song is about san francisco i think it's safe to say that it will always remind me of being there.

next up, day 7: a song that reminds you of a certain event

30 day song challenge day 5: a song that reminds you of someone

2011-04-09T00:03:00.000-05:00

day 5: a song that reminds you of someone

there will never, ever be a time when "caravan" won't make me think of my own gypsy robin. i don't want to get all emotional, again, so i'll just leave it at that. and, of course, the version from the last waltz is the very best version of this song.

next up, day 6: a song that reminds you of somewhere

i'm still here!

2011-04-08T12:19:00.000-05:00

i know i haven't posted much lately other than for the 30 day song challenge but that's mostly because i haven't been doing much.

last night kelly and i went to see guster at stubb's. it was warm and humid as shit! my hair was an insane afro until i finally gave up and tied it back. when the show first started we were standing a little too far on the "outskirts" of the real crowd. everyone around us was talking and no one was dancing! we moved further in and it really changed the tone of the show for us. being around other people who are singing and dancing is a lot more fun than doing it by yourself! the show itself was wonderful, as it always is. i do wish they would come back more often than every other year though.

on april 6, 2007 kelly, sam and i saw guster at stubb's and it was a ridiculously fun night. last night was my first time seeing guster since sam passed away and i missed her so much. i had a couple of moments where i had to force myself to contain the tears that welled up in my eyes. i mean, who cries at a guster concert?!

from that night in 2007 ryan from guster, me, kelly, and sam

look how big those smiles are (except for ryan haha)!

30 day song challenge day 4: a song that makes you sad

2011-04-08T00:12:00.002-05:00

day 4: a song that makes you sad

in july of 2002 my dad's best friend and my "uncle matt" passed away due to complications of the beast known as cancer. i knew him my entire life and sometimes i still forget that he's gone, and it's been almost 9 years. i managed to hold myself together at his funeral, even when my dad got up and spoke. then they played "let it be" and i lost it, on the inside anyway. at funerals i always try to restrain my sadness because i feel like it will look ridiculous for me to be so upset when there are people there who were closer to the deceased who aren't displaying as much grief as i am. i guess that's probably a little weird but that's just how i am.

i don't cry every time i hear this song but every once in a while it really gets to me. one of those times was when kelly and i were sitting at william cannon and 290 heading out of town to move him to boulder. it was already a very emotional situation so when it came on the radio i all but crawled into the fetal position and started crying.

up next, day 5: a song that reminds you of someone

30 day song challenge day 3: a song that makes you happy

2011-04-07T08:26:00.005-05:00

day 3: a song that makes you happy

i challenge you to listen to this song and not "feel good." robert earl keen's voice reminds me of so many people and places from my past but it's always in that nostalgic, happy way. and this particular song just never fails to put a smile on my face. i've actually been known to cry a couple of tears of joy while listening to this song. i mean, who wouldn't be happy if they reached into their pocket and found 3 $20s AND a $10?! thank you, robert earl keen, for feelin' good again.

up next, day 4: a song that makes you sad

30 day song challenge day 2: your least favorite song

2011-04-06T07:07:00.000-05:00

day 2: your least favorite song

i hate a lot of songs because, damnit, there's a lot of bad music out there. the song that i have selected for my least favorite song is a song by an artist that i cannot stand. i recognize that the man has some talent but his music just isn't for me. i chose this particular song because it plays overhead at work about 200 times a day and it is driving me completely nuts! and it's a terrible song. i'll leave you to watch, or skip, say by john mayer.

next up, day 3: a song that makes you happy

30 day song challenge day 1: your favorite song

2011-04-05T23:12:00.004-05:00

i've seen some friends doing this around facebook so i decided to give it a shot. i may or may not flake out halfway through but if i can complete a photo project where i had to take a picture every single day for a year, i should be able to do this. i'll be posting them on facebook and here as well. sorry to the 2 of you who will probably see this in both places.

day 1: your favorite song

i don't have a favorite song. there's no way i could ever pick one ultimate favorite. i thought about picking my favorite song by my favorite band but that's even impossible to do. so i had to consult the data. my computer is pretty new so the play counts in itunes aren't reflective of how many billions of times i've listened to a song. i consulted last.fm and discovered that my most listened to song on there (which tracked everything in listened to from 2005-2011) is skinny love by bon iver. well i'll be damned! i do love that song quite a bit and it appears that it is my favorite song to listen to and that will just have to do for this challenge.

next up, day 2: your least favorite song

changes are afoot

2011-04-05T20:07:00.000-05:00

i work at a store that has a pharmacy in it. there are a couple of those chains out there, i'll let you imagine which one i work at. anyway, in october i transfered from the photo lab to the pharmacy. i was really excited about my new position but it has been terrible from the very beginning. i cried every day for at least the first week after i moved over there. after a while the crying became less frequent but recently i've begun to realize that some of the feelings and thoughts that i've been having just are not normal and it's all because of how miserable my job is making me. i'm not going to go into great detail but i will tell you that every day when i drive to work i think about what it would be like if i got into a car accident that didn't kill me but maybe made it so i could miss a few weeks of work. yes, i would rather get into a fucking car accident than go to work. not good.

today i spoke with the store manager and told her that i want to be moved out of the pharmacy. i also told her that if she doesn't have room for me elsewhere i'll understand and be on my way. she seems to want to work with me on finding a new position so hopefully that will happen sooner rather than later because, honestly, i'm losing my shit. i think that my work situation has a lot to do with the awful headaches i've been getting lately too. i recently read a story on cnn.com that said having no job is better for your mental health than having a bad job. a-fucking-men to that. i don't want to be unemployed. i don't want to not have health insurance. but what i have going on right now, this is no way to live. i once told a friend that of all the things in her life she thought could be making her unhappy, her job is was the easiest thing to change. and what did she do? she quit that job and got an amazing job and she is literally living the dream right now. there may have been some bumps in the road but i'll be damned if she isn't completely rocking this thing we call life. what took me so long to realize the same advice i gave her nearly 6 years ago?

give me a break, please

2011-04-04T20:47:00.000-05:00

when i went back to work today my boss acted like he was mad at me for what happened on friday. in case you missed it, i had to go to the hospital with a headache so bad that it caused me to think i could possibly have an aneurysm. i explained everything to him and then he acted like i was faking it. i wish i had been faking that shit. i was in more pain than i think i ever have been in my entire life. i don't get what his fucking problem is, a couple of weeks ago one of my co-workers had vertigo and missed probably 2 days worth of work. vertigo is like a headache in that it's probably pretty easy to fake having, but no one questioned my co-worker when she was sick. i'm just super irritated with the whole headache thing anyway, having to deal with shit at work is just too much.

i think i might fire my neurologist soon. i just feel like he's not particularly interested in trying to find ways to make me comfortable when i get a really bad headache. he's interested in headache prevention but, um, he's not doing that very well either. obviously i want to prevent headaches but i also want to be realistic and have a plan for when the preventative measures just don't work. going to the hospital and getting an iv full of compazine, dilaudid, and fluids isn't something i want to have to do ever again. i have a bruise the size of a golfball on my arm, it's super trashy looking :(

i don't like to complain about my health stuff here very often but i'm so frustrated right now. i feel like people don't take migraines and other types of debilitating headaches seriously at all. if you've never experienced it, you honestly have no idea how bad it is. and it gets so, so bad. i've been doing this for 15 years and i don't know how much more i can take. i am so very sick of this shit.

another new blog?!

2011-04-03T20:59:00.000-05:00

that's probably what you're asking yourself, right? well i decided it was time to move the baking talk to another space. if you're still interested in reading about my experiments/adventures in the kitchen you can do so over at tessie bakes!

more touching

2011-04-03T16:27:00.000-05:00

last night some friends and i participated in the geeks who drink arrested development quiz. there were something like 100 teams there which is just insane. we studied hard but only for about 3 days so we obviously didn't win. it was mostly pretty fun but damn, some of the rounds were really tough. not that i think anyone who has yet to participate in this quiz in their hometown will actually find this blog and read it but if they do, i don't want to give anything away! just know your shit, that's all i can say.

i used my beautiful mixer (which needs a name) yesterday to make cookies. it was almost too easy! i have so many cupcake recipes that i want to try out soon. on deck i have pineapple upside down cupcakes, browned butter cupcakes with chocolate buttercream, mimosa cupcakes, and tie-dyed cupcakes. my sister gave me a gift certificate to the all in one bake shop for my birthday so i went yesterday to redeem at least some of it. i got some gel paste food coloring and some more cupcake liners. i officially have, um, too many cupcake liners. i just can't stop collecting them though! my rather large cupcake/decorating caddy is pretty much full at this point.

i have this cupcake carrier that i got a few months ago. it's gotten a lot of use and i'm really happy with it.

but yesterday i saw this one and, damnit, i realllly want it. it's so cute!

hospitals and appliances

2011-04-01T16:53:00.000-05:00

i woke up at 1:00 this morning with a frighteningly horrible headache. it felt like a brain freeze on crack. i took maxalt and tried to go back to sleep but it was a pretty restless night from then on. when i got up for good this morning i took another maxalt and still nothing. so then i took my last vicodin and...nothing. i called in sick to work and called my mom to see if she could take me to urgent care or the emergency room. she left work immediately, came and got me, and took me to the hospital.

this trip to the emergency room was pretty much exactly like the time i had to go last april. blood work, an iv injection of dilaudid, compazine, a bag of fluids, and a cat scan. cat scan came back normal but the doc wanted to do a spinal tap. just like last year i told him i didn't think i could handle a spinal tap but if i don't start to feel better soon or start feeling worse then i will go back and have it done. last year they worried it was meningitis, this year they worry that it's an aneurysm. apparently the cat scan is only about 90% accurate in detecting small aneurysms.

after we left the hospital my mom took me to firebowl at my request. as we were eating lunch i thought about how lucky i am to have my parents around when i really, really need them. i don't know what i would have done if my mom hadn't taken me to the hospital. and then she bought me lunch after i made her sit around the smelly emergency room for a few hours? and if you think my mom is amazing for doing those things wait until you hear what she did next...

mom: how badly do you want a fancy mixer?
me: pretty badly.
mom: more than you want a new tv?
me: yes! (my tv is almost dead, btw)
mom: do you feel up to going to target now?
me: um, yeah.

say hello to my beautiful new friend

maybe in a couple of months i'll have to go to the hospital again and i can get that new tv i need. just kidding! sort of.

april addendum

2011-03-30T20:41:00.001-05:00

back when i listed all the fun things i'm looking forward to in april i failed to mention a BIG one, and that is that one of my lovelies who lives halfway across the country will be in town april 29-may 1!

so so so excited to have miss sarah z back in austin for a couple of days. and i'm going to make mimosa cupcakes for her! april has not yet begun and i'm already so in love with it.

somewhere out there

2011-03-29T23:09:00.003-05:00

when i was in elementary school i performed a dance to somewhere out there from an american tail with my dance class. we wore electric blue sleeveless unitards. i mean, doesn't that sound awesome?! it was. i've been thinking a lot about all of my friends who live across the country and this song popped into my head. it's super cheesy but sometimes i am actually blown away by the fact that we can look out our windows and see the same moon that our friends all over the country are seeing too. the super moon last weekend really brought that to my attention, seeing pictures of it taken from so many different locations was a little mind boggling!

i have close friends all over the place and while it's awesome to be able to go visit once every few years, it would be nicer if we all just lived in the same city. and now that i have a whopping 5 vacation days for the entire year, it's hard for me to even think about going to see anyone. luckily austin is an awesome town that thousands of people love to visit, because every once in a while one of those visitors is someone i love. after thinking about all of my far away lovelies tonight, i was inspired to make a graphic using one of my favorite quotes.

original image credit

brunch is back

2011-03-28T22:44:00.000-05:00

i went to brunch yesterday for the first time in at least 6 weeks. it was kelly's birthday and we were treated to a super delicious and fun meal at 24 diner. i had the french toast platter that came with the most amazing cream topping. the menu just says "vanilla cream" but it tasted like some sort of whipped vanilla cream cheese. it was absolutely delicious. my meal also came with "fresh fruit" which at most restaurants is usually grapes and 2 or 3 different kinds of melon. i am not really a melon fan so i usually don't care much for the fruit bowl but at 24 diner they had orange, grapefruit, and banana in their fruit bowl! it was so refreshing to be served good fruit for a change. this place has been open for over a year but yesterday was my first time to eat there and it certainly won't be my last. kelly got the chicken and waffles which i sampled a little bit of. my only complaint was that the fried chicken didn't seem to be very seasoned. maybe fried chicken that's served with a waffle is prepared differently? i don't know much about the dish so i don't know if seasoning is common or not. we also tried the roasted banana brown sugar milkshake. it was alright. it didn't have a very strong banana flavor and it tasted too cinnamon-y though. i feel like i could probably make a better banana milkshake.

another first for me that happened this weekend was finally going to swan dive. a month or so ago i emailed kelly and amber and said that we should check this place out because all the stuff i've read makes it sound like something we would really like. well, then i got sick and didn't go out for a loooong time but kelly and amber went a few times and really liked it. anyway, it was awesome! i was a little put off by the $5 cover but it was worth it. the band that was playing on saturday night was so fun, they're called the inheritance and are self described as gypsy punk. my only complaint was the clarinet player's bare feet. i hate seeing bare feet!

i had a lot of fun this weekend and i felt lucky that i had something to distract me from kansas's loss yesterday. at least there are only 2 more days until baseball season!

nels kitchen

2011-03-26T13:19:00.000-05:00

i meant to post this last night with the rest of the pictures but i forgot.

it's not easy being my assistant in the kitchen!

no, really, be bumped his shin on his "ladder" and immediately burst into tears. luckily he calmed down pretty quickly.

the promise of spring

2011-03-24T13:09:00.001-05:00

i've been at varying levels of "under the weather" since the last week of february and i'm ready to move past that crap. april is shaping up to be quite lovely and i surely hope i am able to enjoy all of the goings on.

april 7 guster at stubb's it's been 2 years since the gusters have blessed our fine city with their presence and i for one cannot wait. i know i'm going to miss joe being up there on stage but i've heard great things about luke so i'm open-minded to the change.

april 22 cut copy at stubb's i believe it's also been about 2 years since i last saw cut copy (also at stubb's) and i'm really looking forward to the sold-out dance party that is sure to ensue. cecily and steve's friends from college, sarah and dan, will be in town for about a week during this time so steve and i are taking dan to this show.

april 23 CRAWFISH BOIL no, i do not eat crawfish but for the past 10 years i have deemed the crawfish boil day one of my favorite holidays of the year. the boil takes place on holy saturday every year and it really is something i look forward to year round. lots of food, lots of drinks, LOTS of laughs. sarah and dan get to enjoy this event with us as well. yay!

april 26 mumford and sons, edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros, and old crow medicine show at 4th and waller i cannot wait for this show! even though i'm not much of an edward sharpe fan i'm sure i'm going to have a really fun time. hopefully marcus mumford will fall in love with me this time. it was a bit awkward last time i saw them because he acted like he hardly noticed me. hopefully steve and dan won't cockblock me. i kid.

may 3 arcade fire at the backyard okay, this isn't in april but it's close enough and it might be the thing i'm very most excited about. after much struggle with the horrible online ticketing process my very wonderful friend jason was able to score tickets for me, cecily, and steve. it has been almost 4 years since i last saw arcade fire and i'm so excited for this opportunity to see them at a venue smaller than a basketball arena!

and though it's entirely too late for march to redeem itself, i am quite looking forward to a family/friend party this saturday afternoon that has promised fajitas. i am attempting to make margarita cupcakes for the event and i'll try to update on my success/failure in procuring said confections. wish me luck because i'm going to be making a meringue for the first time and that is downright terrifying!

i don't have a title for this

2011-03-19T22:25:00.001-05:00

i was already going to have an abbreviated sxsw experience this year due to having to work thursday and friday. i had planned to "do it to it" on wednesday and saturday to make up for it. i didn't really do anything to anything on wednesday but i had a fun day and it was a nice way to spend my birthday. however, due to my swollen tissue issues i had to skip the festivities today. i've been looking forward to the rachael ray party since last year when it was freeeezing cold but we stuck it out anyway. i figured this year would be better because it wouldn't be cold. i've always wanted to check out the perez hilton party just to see what it's like and maybe come home with some freebies. the opportunity to attend said party presented itself but i still couldn't do it.

i don't think sad accurately describes how i feel right now. on wednesday night when a few of my friends were seeing devotchka i was at home trying to rest. i was bummed, for sure, but not in the way you might expect. i wasn't sad to not be at that show, rather i was sad that i didn't want to be at that show. i was too tired and felt too shitty to even think about being at a concert. it's an odd realization, though, when it occurs to you that you literally do not care that you're missing out on something that you once would have felt so passionately about attending. the next night the same thing happened with portugal. the man and noah and the whale. i love both of those bands very much but seeing them at stubb's on thursday night was the last thing on my mind. i feel like i'm becoming a totally different person and that feels kind of shitty. hopefully this is just a temporary thing due to being sick and it just so happens to be at a really bad time? i don't know. what i do know is that the stefanie of years past would have been at all of those shows and parties with aching feet and a pounding headache, having the time of her life.

'roid rage

2011-03-19T00:14:00.000-05:00

last night while i was at work i started to get a really weird pain in my chest and it hurt terribly when i took a breath. by the time i woke up this morning it felt like someone was sitting on my chest and pressing a million thumbs into my ears, cheeks, and forehead. each time i tried to catch my breath, i couldn't, and instead i got shooting pains up my neck and into my ears and cheeks. sounds super awesome, right? i went to work today because i was afraid if i called in sick everyone would think i was playing hookie for sxsw. i left about an hour early and went to the walk-in clinic across the street from where i work.

it was hard to describe my symptoms to the nurse and i don't think i accurately explained how much pain i was/am in. my temperature is elevated (again) but the rest of my vitals seemed okay. the doctor put me on prednisone and ventolin so, basically, i'm not going to be able to sleep for days. i really, really hope the steroids start working asap though because pretty much all the tissue in my head and chest is swollen right now and that's why i'm in so much pain. so, it's pleurisy and then some.

i am miserable. sometimes when i take consecutive "deep" breaths i feel like i am going to cry because it hurts so bad but i try really hard not to because i have enough pressure in my head, i don't need to add the pain of crying to it. the venotlin inhaler has barely made any difference and i'm afraid to use it too often because i'm already feeling pretty "speedy" from the steroids. i really hope i can get some sleep tonight.

so as of right now i am not going to the rachael ray party tomorrow at stubb's. i am super sad to miss it but there's just no way i can go stand around outside for 7 or 8 hours. i'm hoping i can rest up and then head out to the perez hilton party in the evening but i can't make any promises. my good friend robin is in town from lubbock this weekend, on a break from chemotherapy, and if i don't get to see her i am going to be really, really upset.

i'm too old for this shit

2011-03-16T22:59:00.002-05:00

i may have to put sxsw on my murtaugh list pretty soon. i was out today for about 10 hours and i feel like i am dying. all in all, we didn't even do that much walking either but somehow my entire body is aching. my shoulders are killing me from lugging my bag around all day, too. BUT i had a really fun day so i can't complain too much but i do realize that i lose a fair amount of steam each year that goes by. i noticed it last year when i was home and in bed by 10:00 every night. i used to rage all day and night and now i get tired just thinking about doing that! i'll list some highlights and lowlights of my day.

let's get the lowlights out of the way first
-waiting for 2 hours to get wristbands to the fader fort
-almost peeing my pants in said 2 hour line
-getting into a confrontation with assholes who cut in front of us in said 2 hour line
-my iphone's battery seems to be on its last leg

highlights!
-DANA!
-tito's and lemonade while waiting in line for fader wristbands
-fader fort no longer being sponsored by southern comfort
-free espresso and lattes!
-free fresh popcorn from cornucopia
-walking to liberty specifically to buy food from east side king and discovering that the food is FREE during whatever event we stumbled into
-spending my day with these weirdos

now it's back to work for a couple of days and then i'm going to try to pull off a day AND night party on saturday. rachael ray and perez hilton parties!

what's in your bag?

2011-03-15T22:14:00.001-05:00

i just finished packing up my supplies for tomorrow. i know i'm over-prepared for sxsw but i would obviously much rather be safe than sorry. last year 4 or 5 people charged their iphones on my charger at the fader fort because i was the only one who brought a charger! anyway, this is what's in my bag:

1. a mini first aid kit containing a lot of crap

2. clorox wipes

3. sweet leaf chapstick

4. kleenex

5. tums

6. ziploc bag full of random otc medicine like pepto, pepcid, sudafed, and benadryl, also my antihistamine nasal spray

not pictured: ibuprofen, maxalt (migraine medicine) and ondansetron (nausea medicine that goes with migraines)

there's nothing worse than having an upset tummy or heartburn while you're trying to drink your weight in free booze, not to mention a migraine. i know this is more stuff than some people take on camping trips but whatever, i'm always super popular with my friends and strangers because of my bag o' crap.

and on a totally unrelated note, i had to renew my driver's license this year. i went in on valentine's day and they said it would take 6-8 weeks to arrive. less than 4 weeks later my new license came in the mail and i have to say, i quite like my picture! i haven't taken a driver's license picture since i was 18 so i was a little nervous how it would turn out.

obviously the color in that picture is a little off but what do you think? i think it's pretty nice!