i once had a very, very close male friend who shall remain nameless. if you've known me for a long time, you know who i'm talking about. anyway, my friendship with this person was unlike any other relationship i had ever had. we met the summer of 2001 and we connected on levels that i had never connected on with anyone else. at the time, it was probably my first friendship with a guy that was truly just a friendship. you know, without one of the other people feeling something deeper than just friends. shortly after we met he moved a couple hours away for school and we managed to forge a close relationship despite the distance. he eventually moved back to austin after a couple of years and we started hanging out a lot.
we used to spend all kinds of time together...movies, concerts, dinner, just sitting around watching crap on tv, and driving around. we goofed around a lot and also talked about serious things. at the time, i felt like he knew me better than just about anyone in the world. we maintained that level of friendship for years, despite a few obstacles that popped up. then, something happened.
sometime in 2007 we began to drift apart. i've had friendships fall apart for no reason before but not like this. we went many months without seeing or even speaking to each other. at the time i chalked it up to both of us being busy with our lives. after all, it wasn't the first time i experienced a lapse in friendship with someone. things come up and days turn into weeks which turn into months but that doesn't mean that people don't still care about each other. after i realized how long it had been since we had spoken i tried to reach out to him a couple of times. once i called and got the recording from at&t that the phone had been shut off. i tried again a couple of months later and got him on the phone. it was not the reunion conversation i had been hoping for.
over the last year and a half i've run into him a handful of times and the reception has been icy at best. the first couple of times this happened i was genuinely sad. here was someone who once knew me better than most people, who comforted me when i was upset, who entertained me when i was bored and now he acts like it's a chore to say hello to me. the next few times these encounters occurred i was not sad but angry. who did he think he was?! i still haven't figured that out but i do know that the end of our friendship was not caused by something i did. a couple of my other friends also had close relationships with him and he no longer wants anything to do with them either.
so, while i can take comfort in the fact that i didn't do anything wrong, it's still upsetting to know that someone who was once so important to me (and presumably, i was important to) doesn't care about me at all anymore. there are still things that make me think of him every so often, songs and movies mostly. and when that happens i always wonder, does anything ever make him think of me? and if he does, how is he thinking of me? fondly or with disdain? i'll probably never know.