recently i've had conversations with amber and wysteria about our dear sam who passed away in december. we all have these moments where we forget. i think all 3 of us have nearly called her several times in the last couple of months. yesterday amber i decided to have a brunch party for our birthdays and as i was setting up the facebook invitation page, i almost clicked on sam to invite her. then it seems, after each moment i have like that, i have dreams about her. the dreams are really hard because they feel so real. waking up and realizing that i wasn't actually just hanging out with sam is a difficult feeling to deal with. i try to look at it in a positive way, like at least i'm able to spend time with her even if it's just in my dreams, but it still stings pretty hard.
so when the hell does it get easier? when does it feel real?