Monday, March 1, 2010

when does it get easier?

recently i've had conversations with amber and wysteria about our dear sam who passed away in december. we all have these moments where we forget. i think all 3 of us have nearly called her several times in the last couple of months. yesterday amber i decided to have a brunch party for our birthdays and as i was setting up the facebook invitation page, i almost clicked on sam to invite her. then it seems, after each moment i have like that, i have dreams about her. the dreams are really hard because they feel so real. waking up and realizing that i wasn't actually just hanging out with sam is a difficult feeling to deal with. i try to look at it in a positive way, like at least i'm able to spend time with her even if it's just in my dreams, but it still stings pretty hard.

so when the hell does it get easier? when does it feel real?

1 comment:

Jenn said...

WHOA. I came and read this post. Left and came back to write my comment and you changed the place up. I was gone literally like 3 minutes, TOPS.

Sadly, I can say that I think about Eileen all the freakin' time. It's been several years, and I think of her much less than before, but seriously, when she pops into my mind, it takes a few days to shake it.

I STILL have dreams about her that are so real life. It's weird. Also, I randomly run into people who were in "our" circle of friends and it sort of weirds me out because I wouldn't normally see them.

I guess it's just her way of saying "hey...don't forget about me, hooker".

I'm sorry you're having a tough time! I'm sure Sam knows how much you lub her!

ASIDE: Watch out for my body rolls...body rolls... <--I can't stop.