i was already going to have an abbreviated sxsw experience this year due to having to work thursday and friday. i had planned to "do it to it" on wednesday and saturday to make up for it. i didn't really do anything to anything on wednesday but i had a fun day and it was a nice way to spend my birthday. however, due to my swollen tissue issues i had to skip the festivities today. i've been looking forward to the rachael ray party since last year when it was freeeezing cold but we stuck it out anyway. i figured this year would be better because it wouldn't be cold. i've always wanted to check out the perez hilton party just to see what it's like and maybe come home with some freebies. the opportunity to attend said party presented itself but i still couldn't do it.
i don't think sad accurately describes how i feel right now. on wednesday night when a few of my friends were seeing devotchka i was at home trying to rest. i was bummed, for sure, but not in the way you might expect. i wasn't sad to not be at that show, rather i was sad that i didn't want to be at that show. i was too tired and felt too shitty to even think about being at a concert. it's an odd realization, though, when it occurs to you that you literally do not care that you're missing out on something that you once would have felt so passionately about attending. the next night the same thing happened with portugal. the man and noah and the whale. i love both of those bands very much but seeing them at stubb's on thursday night was the last thing on my mind. i feel like i'm becoming a totally different person and that feels kind of shitty. hopefully this is just a temporary thing due to being sick and it just so happens to be at a really bad time? i don't know. what i do know is that the stefanie of years past would have been at all of those shows and parties with aching feet and a pounding headache, having the time of her life.