Tuesday, July 24, 2012

i like to complain sometimes (all the time)

we've been having a somewhat "mild" summer so far this year. not many days over 100 and whatnot. but anything over 90 still makes me feel like shit. since i have fibromyalgia i am lucky enough to experience pretty severe muscle pain, headaches, anxiety, fatigue, and depression when the temperatures rise. i also cannot sleep at all. i have horrible muscle aches all the time and they are nearly unbearable when i'm sitting still, like laying in bed. so i sleep for 3-4 hours a night and then wake up in worse pain than i was when i went to bed. the lack of sleep causes muscle fatigue, and when you add that to muscle pain, you have a serious problem. 

as if i'm not already far enough in the dumps, i have nights like tonight where i get really down on myself for being antisocial. it's not that i don't want to hang out with you (and you and you) but i just don't have it in me. i'm lucky enough to make it to work every day. i've only missed one day of work so far this summer and since i was out so many days back in april for surgery, i can't really afford to miss much more this year. anyway, i just always feel like the biggest asshole when i have to cancel plans or not show up to something i said i would be at. i miss my friends :( 

i just spent the last hour looking through my old photos on facebook of times when i felt better, physically and mentally. it's not helping! i mean, it cheers me up for a second and then i get sad that i'm not having similar good times right now. it's lame, i know. at least in the fall/winter when it finally cools off i won't have 50 million sinus infections bringing me down like the last couple of years. so once it get below 85 or so, watch out world! 

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