Friday, June 17, 2011

vanity prevails

i am unable to wear jeans right now. they are so very uncomfortable for me. if you're not familiar with the whole fibro mess, pretty much all of my soft tissue and muscles ache and certain articles of clothing are super uncomfortable. normally this wouldn't be much of a problem because it's texas in the summer, i don't need to wear jeans, i've just been wearing dresses and skirts. however, i'm going to santa cruz in 15 days and it is much cooler there than it is here. in the evenings it gets down into the 50s! i was complaining to my mom about how i didn't really know what i was going to do to keep warm without wearing jeans and she said i should wear sweatpants. seriously, sweatpants? sweatpants are not cute. well, i'll be darned if i didn't get a freaking pair of sweatpants tonight to take on my trip. i'm hoping i can also do tights or leggings under my dresses without being too uncomfortable. i guess we'll see. just because i feel bad doesn't mean i want to look bad. 

let me tell you something about fibromyalgia. this shit is expensive. new wardrobe, acupuncture and aquatic therapy that are not covered by my insurance, books to teach me about what i'm in for...it's a lot. and it's a lot to process. i feel kind of lost right now even though i think i have a game plan. i think i might be in denial. it's weird because i was pretty sure i had fibromyalgia but now that i know, i feel like it's not really happening. this isn't my life, it's someone else's.