sweat it out, sweat it out

i took the most amazing bath this weekend. that might sound totally weird and/or creepy but i don't care. let me preface this by saying that i've been taking relaxation baths a few times a week for about a year now. that bath is 2 cups of epsom salt, a cup of buttermilk, and a few drops of lavender oil. it's great. it really does help me relax and it helps with all the muscle pain and cramps that i get (especially in the summertime). well this new bath is a detoxifying bath that includes all the previous ingredients with the addition of about a tablespoon of baking soda and a coule of tablespoons of freshly shaved ginger root. i ran the bath as hot as i could possibly stand it, turned on some blind pilot, grabbed my kindle, and sat in the tub for 30+ minutes. 

i can't really describe what it felt like but i cannot recommend it highly enough. i've only been in a sauna once and i hated it because i couldn't breathe. i have this weird thing where i hate/can't breathe in really hot air. like, when the heater is on in the car i have to roll down my window to feel like i can catch my breath. anyway, this ginger bath made me sweat like i was in a sauna. my eyebrows were sweating! i ended up having to put my kindle down about 20 minutes in because i was getting super light headed and i didn't want to end up dropping it in the water or something. 

i felt absolutely amazing, albiet sweaty, afterwards. i added more lavender than i normally do and i think that plus the detoxing helped temporarily reduce this giant knot i have on the back of my neck. it would be wonderful maybe i continue these baths and the knot is reduced permanently. don't even get me started on this thing either, it's the worst. i've already been to the doctor about it twice this summer. ugh, whatever. anyway, this bath was a great way to cleanse myself of the drinks i had friday night before and during the blind pilot show! 

just checking in

well, here i am 9 days after surgery and i have to tell you, i'm doing pretty well. the day before i was scheduled to go in my doctor called and told me that he was adding a septoplasty to my list of procedures. i knew that my nose was a little wonky because the first time i went in he did a nasal endoscopy and the scope wouldn't fit down my left nostril at all. so anyway, i started getting super nervous about that for some reason, even though everything i read said it wouldn't be that bad.

the first couple of days immediately following the surgery weren't too bad because the anesthesia was still wearing off. i ate some pudding and applesauce those days but i think that's about it. mostly i just slept and tried to drink as much juice and gatorade as possible. i won't lie to y'all and tell you that it all felt awesome, because it certainly didn't, but it was nothing like i was expecting. 

i had my first post-op appointment on thursday and my doctor said that everything is healing very well. then he vacuumed out my nose for an hour. i'm not kidding. it was pretty awful. in fact, it was by far the worst thing about this entire experience. it didn't hurt, perse, but the pressure of having a really long metal tube shoved into your face is super uncomfortable. i think it presses on some weird nerves too because i almost passed out about 3 times. when i had that first endoscopy done i almost passed out while he was trying to look down the left nostril. i was super embarrassed but he said it wasn't that uncommon. then when it happened during the vacuum session he said that it happens all the time, which was a relief. i still felt bad because it kept happening and every time it did he would have to stop for 5-10 minutes while i laid there and try to get it together. it felt pretty damn great afterwards though, to have all of that stuff sucked out. i could breathe! 

my doctor told me that during the surgery when he got into my sinuses that he could not believe how inflamed they were. and this was just a normal day, i hadn't been sick or anything leading up to the surgery. he actually used the word "impressive" to describe the amount of swelling happening in there. it was even more swelling than my ct scan had revealed a couple of weeks prior. anyway, i'm just glad to have that shit taken care of! i'm not out of the woods yet, i have a lot of upkeep to do in terms of rinses and irrigation but it's a small price to pay to possibly never have sinuses that scary looking again!

in terms of the tonsillectomy, i was under the impression that it was going to be the worst part but i don't think it was. i guess the recovery is longer but i also was led to believe that the pain was going to basically be unbearable. sure, it's been rough here and there but it really hasn't been much worse than a really bad sore throat, of which i have had PLENTY. i'm well on my way to a normal diet again and even ate fajitas (slowly) tonight! on friday, after resisting for an entire week, i busted out a flashlight and looked at the back of my throat. hoooooly shit, y'all. what has been seen can never been unseen. i'm sure if you're really gross and want to know, you can google imagine search that shit but wow, it was gross. i just couldn't resist any longer, i HAD to know what i looked like in there. i'm excited to check again in a week or two to see my throat without my huge (and i'm talking HUGE) tonsils in the way. 

let's pretend i've been doing something interesting

it looks like the last time i blogged was when i was sick a couple of months ago. i'd like to say that i got better and have been so extremely busy doing interesting and exciting things but that's just not true. no, instead i've been sick on and off pretty much all year and have mostly just been working and trying to relax when i'm not working. in 9 days i am having surgery to remove my tonsils and adenoids as well as to remove dead tissue from my maxillary sinuses and open them up. the hope is that once my sinuses are able to drain better i might not get so many sinus infections. and apparently my tonsils are in pretty bad shape. just gigantic with scar tissue. lovely, i know. i am definitely looking forward to no more sore throats and possibly no more (or at least not as many) sinus infections. what i'm not looking forward to is 2-3 weeks of recovery. it's going to suck but i know it will be worth it in the end. i'm going to read my kindle and watch lots of netflix during the recovery period. oh, and take lots of liquid vicodin.

holy infections, batman!

on friday evening i randomly got a really bad sore throat. then i got what i call airplane ears. you know, where your ears feel like they're going to explode from pressure? my tonsils were red and swollen with white bumps. i knew pretty much instantly that i had strep throat. the only other time in my life that i've gotten so sick so quickly was with strep when i was, like, 12. 

on saturday i developed a majorly runny nose. then on sunday i started coughing. i was going to try to ride it out without going to the doctor because all they would do is put me on antibiotics and antibiotics don't really do much for strep. they can shorten it by about a day which isn't really worth the crappy side effects if you ask me. on monday night my airplane ears turned into icepick ears. the pain was so bad that i couldn't sleep. 

i finally caved and went to the doctor tuesday evening. he came into the exam room and asked for my symptoms. i listed all of them and he said, "you've just describe the common cold virus." okay guy, i know it sounds like a cold but i promise you i would not be here if it were just a cold. he said he would, "check me out, just in case." he looked in my throat and said, "whoa, we need to swab that!" then he looked in my right ear and said, "have you been aggressively q-tipping your ears?" why the hell would i do that when they hurt this bad?! he said my ear was super red, inflamed, and irritated. then he looked in my left ear and asked me if one hurt worse than the other. i told him the left did and he said, "yeah, that one is way worse than the right and the right one is pretty bad." 

so you want the diagnosis? strep throat, middle ear infection (bacterial), sinus infection (bacterial), and an upper respiratory infection (viral). my friend paul said that if i had a yeast infection i would probably win some sort of infection prize. then i informed him that the #1 cause of yeast infections is antibiotics. so maybe i'll win that infection prize after all! wah wah. so i'm on steroids, antibiotics and narcotics for the cough+pain.

and on saturday i'm co-hosting a bridal shower. kill me now. please don't, but you know. i'm just miserable and i'm trying to figure out how i'm going to get everything done in time. 

may 21, 2011

on may 21st i went to a day party with a couple of friends and had a really, really fun time. we drank tito's with pineapple juice and ginger ale and shared many laughs.

1. kelly, the funnest guy i know

2. me trying to take a long-arm picture with kelly and failing

3. me trying to take another long-arm picture with kelly and failing (he's just too tall!)

4. kelly and i cracking up as he finally takes a long-arm picture of us

5. me trying to look normal for a  picture with amber

6. me looking normal(ish) for a picture with amber

seriously, click on that collage to enlarge it and see what my face really looks like it some of those pictures. hilarious!

the reason this particular day stands out so much in my mind isn't just because of how much fun we had but because i woke up on the morning of may 22nd feeling like i was going to die and i have felt that to some scale every single day since then. some days i'm in more pain and some days i'm in less pain but the pain is always there. the physical pain and then the emotional pain that comes along with physically feeling like shit all the time. i've seen kelly and amber maybe 2 or 3 times since may 21st and that really bums me out. my darling joshua just moved to washington dc and i barely got to spend any time with him his last summer in austin because of this stupid condition. 

if you think this central texas heat is bad, try living through it with a disease like fibromyalgia. yesterday i went to the grocery store and put gas in my car and by the time i got home i could barely move and i had a crippling headache from barely being outside. i have a ticket to attend the last day of acl fest and if it hasn't cooled off significantly by then, i don't know if i can go. i would be putting myself at a huge, huge risk and i don't know if it's going to be worth it. 

some days i think i'm doing alright and other days i think back to what the "old stefanie" would be doing with her spare time and it probably wouldn't be, "recording reruns of csi to watch while she lays on the couch for hours at a time." i used to leave the house for reasons other than work and grocery shopping. i used to eat at restaurants, i used to drink at bars, i used to laugh with my friends. now i do none of those things. fibromyalgia is rough enough from a psychological standpoint, adding a pity party isn't really necessary. 

i'm sorry if it seems that all i ever write about is my illness but, uhh, i guess it's all i have going on these days. 

vanity prevails

i am unable to wear jeans right now. they are so very uncomfortable for me. if you're not familiar with the whole fibro mess, pretty much all of my soft tissue and muscles ache and certain articles of clothing are super uncomfortable. normally this wouldn't be much of a problem because it's texas in the summer, i don't need to wear jeans, i've just been wearing dresses and skirts. however, i'm going to santa cruz in 15 days and it is much cooler there than it is here. in the evenings it gets down into the 50s! i was complaining to my mom about how i didn't really know what i was going to do to keep warm without wearing jeans and she said i should wear sweatpants. seriously, sweatpants? sweatpants are not cute. well, i'll be darned if i didn't get a freaking pair of sweatpants tonight to take on my trip. i'm hoping i can also do tights or leggings under my dresses without being too uncomfortable. i guess we'll see. just because i feel bad doesn't mean i want to look bad. 

let me tell you something about fibromyalgia. this shit is expensive. new wardrobe, acupuncture and aquatic therapy that are not covered by my insurance, books to teach me about what i'm in for...it's a lot. and it's a lot to process. i feel kind of lost right now even though i think i have a game plan. i think i might be in denial. it's weird because i was pretty sure i had fibromyalgia but now that i know, i feel like it's not really happening. this isn't my life, it's someone else's. 

the verdict is in

i have fibromyalgia. 

that's the second time i've typed that since i found out and it still doesn't feel real. even though i was fairly certain that i had it, finding out for sure is really weird. my current treatment plan is to work on my sleep (not sleeping makes this disease 1000 worse) and cut out the foods mentioned in this post. i'm already looking into acupuncture and will also be looking into aquatic therapy. i feel relieved to finally know what's wrong with me but also bummed at the same time. 

don't be surprised if you don't see much of me this summer. heat is terrible for people with fibromyalgia so i'll likely be doing a lot of hibernating. please invite me to places with kick ass air conditioning systems. and please be understanding if i cancel plans, it's not that i don't want to see you, i just feel like shit.

also, i have been advised by my doctor to get a new job, preferably in a low-stress office environment. if you can help me with that i would love you forever! 

this just in

sleeping on your back...

SUCKS! 

omg the last 2 nights have been brutal. nooooo sleep. so the last 2 days have been super awesome too. brain dead doesn't even describe it. right now i can barely type this. i've had more typos than i would if i were drunk. and yet when i turn this off, do my nighttime routine, and crawl into bed i will not be able to sleep :( 

a new routine

on monday morning i woke up with the most heinous knot in my back. i asked my mom to rub my back yesterday afternoon and when she barely touched the knot i screamed out in agony. i tried to be tough so she could rub it but i couldn't take it. 

today i got some myoflex (all the other muscle rubs smell soooo gross, they make me nauseous) and had my mom put it on. i don't know that it really helped much. i did some googling and found out that i should really be sleeping on my back, with a firm (foam) pillow to balance myself out so i can try to avoid getting more knots like this in the future. this is very common for people with...fibromyalgia. of course it is! 

after dinner tonight i got a new pillow and some tennis balls so i could do this:

Lie on the floor and wedge the tennis ball under you, so that it is pressing into the muscle knots around your shoulders. Then just roll around on it until you can feel the pressure releasing. If the knots are too tight and will not release, you may find that it works better in a sauna, where the heat makes the muscles more prone to relaxation. You can just take your tennis ball in with you and lie on a towel and work those knots out! If it is too painful for you to lie on the tennis ball, you can put the tennis ball in a sock and sit with your back against a wall and hang the tennis-ball-in-sock creation over your shoulder. 

so my new nighttime routine is as follows:

heating bad on shoulders/back for 20 minutes (to loosen up my muscles)

tennis ball for as long as i can stand it (hopefully 5-10 minutes)

stretches and some relaxation techniques

and i made this playlist to listen to while i'm stretching/trying to relax

cat power-sea of love

explosions in the sky-your hand in mine

gary jules-mad world

imogen heap-hide and seek

faultline-your love means everything

michael andrews-peter and sylvie

sia-breathe me

grizzly bear-knife

michael andrews-goldfish

about half of those are instrumental and the rest are still super mellow. i'm really hoping the relaxation works because it will help me with my biggest challenge of all, sleeping on my back. i am a side sleeper and i always have been. i have a hell of a time falling asleep on my back but if these knots are something i'm possibly going to have to battle for the rest of my life then i'm going to have to get used to the changes. 

another challenge that i will face is going straight to bed after this routine has been completed. i will have to fight the urge to jump on the computer to check things out before going to bed. doing that could end up canceling out all of the work i did to relax so i definitely need to avoid it. 

wish me luck.

super attractive

i go back to work tomorrow and i'll be sporting these lovely bruises, one on each arm

i hope they don't make me wear bandainds over them like they did last year when i was sporting this bad boy

house was right

it's never lupus. 

well, unfortunately for some people it is lupus but i got my test results back today and in my case, it's not lupus! 

we aren't exactly back at square one either but pretty close. i had more blood taken today to run a couple more tests and next thursday i'm going to see a rheumatologist. the more i read about it the more i am convinced it's fibromyalgia. luckily i start taking gabapentin tonight for my headaches and gabapentin is also used in the treatment of chronic pain, in many cases, caused by fibromyalgia. so if it is fibromyalgia, maybe i'll start seeing some relief soon? i hope so! 

because one of you might care

updates on my health condition(s):

-my blood work from tuesday revealed that i have an under-active thyroid, also known as hypothyroidism. i haven't gotten any other results back buuuut hypothyroidism could explain most, if not all, of the symptoms i've been experiencing. i started medication for this yesterday. this condition is very easy to manage, the biggest pain is regular blood tests to check thyroxine levels. 

-i've been extremely lightheaded since wednesday. at first it was just when i was up and walking around but by friday it was all the time, sitting, laying down, walking, etc. i know it's probably because of the thyroid condition but that doesn't make it any less troublesome. my sister ended up having to drive me to an urgent care center on friday night because i felt so awful. they prescribed meclozine which hasn't really helped me at all. meclozine is more commonly used for motion sickness and dizziness but i'm not dizzy, i'm lightheaded. 

-they also ran some quick blood tests while i was there and apparently my blood glucose was, like, off the charts high. normally my blood glucose is fairly low, sometimes even dipping into hypoglycemic levels. i can't understand why i'm suddenly hyperglycemic but i'm hoping it was just a one-off thing or something. i'll probably find out tomorrow (when i go see my regular doctor) if it was high on my labs from last week or not.

-the plan is to go back to work on wednesday. hopefully my thyroid medicine will start working by then and this lightheadedness will go away because otherwise i don't think i'll last more than a couple of hours at work.

-i hope i feel 100% better in 27 days or less because i refuse to miss my trip to santa cruz or to be miserable while i'm there. 

two down, one to go

my EEG and MRI were both normal, which i knew they would be. so now i just sit and wait for the results of my blood work. just to clarify, in case anyone was wondering, the EEG and MRI are unrelated to the lupus test. the first two were ordered by my neurologist to check on my headaches and the lupus test was ordered by my regular doctor. you may remember last week i mentioned fibromyalgia and the lupus test is to address those symptoms as well. the two conditions have similar symptoms but, obviously, if i had to chose one to have i would chose fibromyalgia. 

right now i'm dealing with not being able to sleep because i'm too uncomfortable. i have a low grade fever and i feel like it's a million degrees in here. my back hurts, my hips hurt, my shoulders hurt, my head hurts...i normally sleep on my sides but it hurts my hips so bad when i lay on my sides right now. i absolutely cannot sleep on my stomach and it takes me about 3 hours to fall asleep if i have to sleep on my back. 

i genuinely hate complaining so much but this is consuming my entire life at the moment and i am totally miserable. and you know what? my biggest fear right now isn't having lupus, my biggest fear is being this miserable for much longer without an answer or a solution. i honestly don't know how much longer i can do this. 

taking some time

this morning my doctor told me that i needed to be tested for lupus. i've seen house, i know that it's never lupus. so now i just have to convince myself that it's never lupus. i read a lot about it earlier and i honestly don't think that i have it because i don't have many of the symptoms. but i have to wait about a week to get my results. i still really think if it's anything, it's fibromyalgia. but i'm not a doctor. 

i had an EEG this morning also. you're supposed to be sleep deprived for an EEG so i was only allowed to sleep for 4 hours last night. that was poor timing because i only slept about 4 hours the night before as well. thanks, insomnia. anyway, today was pretty awful. i was so tired and emotional about everything that's happening and not happening. last week was very difficult for me in terms of work. i was miserable all week but somehow i managed to get it together to go to work every day. yeah, not this week. i'm actually not working at all this week. i just can't right now. it's too much. 

i'm getting an MRI tomorrow morning which will show nothing. i've had countless numbers of MRIs that were all normal. at this point i would probably die of shock if they actually found something physically wrong with my brain. 

are couch sores a thing?

because i'm pretty sure i'm going to get them if they are. i've been on the couch for the better part of 17 hours. and by "better part" i probably mean 12? i don't know. anyway, i've been fairly miserable all day. 

at one point this morning i think i legitimately thought i was dying. i had to cancel plans with my friend bonnie who was planning on driving up from san antonio for the afternoon/evening, then i also had to bail on plans to see a friend from out of town. i was invited to a bbq tomorrow being hosted by great old friends of mine but i honestly doubt that i'll make it. this isn't the most exciting way to spend a 3 day weekend, is it? 

i want to write about things other than how shitty i feel but it's pretty much all i can think about. and since i'm not really doing anything, what do i have to write about? oh, here's something, i watched a marathon of swamp people with my family tonight. i'm not even kidding. that show is ridiculous but i am totally sucked in. i also made these sloppy joes which were pretty good. i added the onion powder, garlic powder, salt, and worcestershire sauce to the raw ground beef then let it sit in the refrigerator for about 30 minutes before browning it. it makes a huge difference to season the meat rather than just the sauce. next time i am probably only going to use half the vinegar that the recipe calls for. i don't really like vinegar very much and the flavor was a little too strong for my liking. but overall they were really good and super easy. and like the recipe post says, way better than the canned variety. 

fibromywhaaa?

on sunday morning i woke up in an extreme amount of pain. my shoulders and back were unbelievably sore for no reason. i felt like someone beat the crap out of me or i spent all day saturday helping someone move a 5 story house. throughout the day all of the rest of my muscles began to ache in the same way until i was absolutely miserable and have been ever since. 

the term fibromyalgia came up and, it kind of makes sense. i'm not saying that i have it, but i'm not saying that i don't have it. i have a lot of the symptoms and it all just sort of adds up. i need to go in and get the 18 point tender test done which i already know i'm tender in at least 12 of them. fibromyalgia is kind of difficult to diagnose but they say if you're tender in at least 11 of these 18 spots then you pretty much have it. here is a basic list of symptoms of fibromyalgia:

Chronic muscle pain, muscle spasms or tightness, weakness in the limbs, and leg cramps

Moderate or severe fatigue and decreased energy

Insomnia or waking up feeling just as tired as when you went to sleep

Stiffness upon waking or after staying in one position for too long

Difficulty remembering, concentrating, and performing simple mental tasks (“fibro fog”)

Abdominal pain, bloating, nausea, and constipation alternating with diarrhea (irritable bowel syndrome)

Tension or migraine headaches

Jaw and facial tenderness

Sensitivity to one or more of the following: odors, noise, bright lights, medications, certain foods, and cold

Feeling anxious or depressed

Numbness or tingling in the face, arms, hands, legs, or feet

Increase in urinary urgency or frequency (irritable bladder)

Reduced tolerance for exercise and muscle pain after exercise

A feeling of swelling (without actual swelling) in the hands and feet

Painful menstrual periods

Dizziness

i have, like, most of those symptoms, not even exaggerating. 

top 7 food items that someone with fibromyalgia should avoid:

1. Aspartame

2. Food additives (including MSG) and nitrates

3. Sugar, fructose, and simple carbohydrates

4. Caffeine

5. Yeast and gluten

6. Dairy

7. Nightshade plants: tomatoes, chili and bell peppers, potatoes, and eggplants

3-7 make me very, very sad. especially #7. i could do without all the other nightshade plants but potatoes. omg potatoes :( 

so, while i obviously don't want this disorder, it would explain basically everything that has ever been wrong with me. but potatoes? why does it have to be potatoes? 

it's raining cats and dogs

it's not actually raining cats and dogs. no, here in central texas we are in a serious drought. but you know that old saying, "when it rains it pours?" it's pouring in my world. late this morning i was outside with my nephew and i rolled my ankle off the sidewalk and fell flat on my face, bruising up my leg and ankle. because, you know, things aren't rough enough around here for me right now! so on top of the crippling head/neck/shoulder pain now i have an aching right leg and foot. awesome, right? i am a mess. my whole body aches from falling down too. i'm an old lady now, i guess. 

and apparently i have the worst health insurance in the history of health insurance and i can't even afford to pay all of my medical bills right now. i'm not sure what i'm paying almost $300 a month for if i can't even pay my fucking hospital bill :( and i had to miss my new volunteer orientation for austin pets alive today because i couldn't drive myself all the way to pflugerville and then sit in a meeting for 2 hours. there's another orientation on june 5 so hopefully i can make it to that one.

but it's not all horrible over here. i made my very first pot roast today and it was not terrible. it was actually quite delicious. so even though i burnt myself taking it out of the crock pot, it was an over all success. i probably would have lost my mind if it had turned out badly. i'm all fragile and crazy from these steroids and i don't want to deal with anymore bad stuff. please, no more bad stuff. 

a change of venue

i decided to move all of my serious health related craps back over to my headache blog. i know you want to be kept in the loop so follow it! 

i slept almost 8 hours today after i got home from the hospital. now my parents are at lamberts, then going to see jackson browne and my sister is hanging with some friends. i'm home alone on the couch and will most likely be flipping back and forth between the yankees/red sox game ands svu. not a bad friday night though, really. how are you spending your friday night? probably not catching up on blogs. 

cross your fingers for me

i've tried to keep my weird health related issues out of this blog but i guess that's not always possible for me. last month i told y'all about my anxiety issues that were becoming unmanageable. for several months i've been taking a drug called nortriptyline for my migraines/neuralgia but my doctor said i really shouldn't take nortriptyline with sertraline (for my anxiety) so i stopped taking it. i called my neurologist to see if he could call in something else for me that was also used to treat migraines and neuralgia but wouldn't react poorly with sertraline (i actually know of a specific drug that would be perfect for me). instead of prescribing something new he told his nurse to call me and tell me that it was fine for me to take the two drugs together. my primary doctor and my pharmacist both strongly warned me against doing this! i had already been thinking about "firing" my neurologist because he just doesn't seem to care anymore. for example, i get dizzy a lot and i finally mentioned that to him at one of my check ups and he said, "well keep an eye on that." I HAVE BEEN KEEPING AN EYE ON IT, THAT'S WHY I'M TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW. ugh. so after this bullshit with medication i'm officially on the hunt for a new neurologist.

there's one, dr. cain, who i saw several years ago for a while who i really liked. i stopped seeing him because i was doing really well and just didn't need him anymore. then somehow i ended up going to a different doctor, and then another doctor. anyway, i want to go back to dr. cain but it's not as easy as calling and making an appointment. he's probably not taking new patients at this point so i had to give them all of my information regarding symptoms, previous diagnosis, and doctors i've seen in the past. the lady i talked to said she would give it to dr. cain and then they would call me and let me know if i could make an appointment. i really hope he will take me back because i don't even know how to begin to find a neurologist who will work with me.

of all times to be "between" neurologists, i have been having something funky happening recently. i'm not even sure that it's neurological but luckily i have an appointment with my regular doctor on monday so i can talk with him about it. the something funky is that i have been getting a very cold, wet sensation in my left foot, between my first 2 toes. it has happened several times this week and each time i legitimately think i have stepped in a puddle or something has dripped on me from somewhere and each time there is nothing there. i've also had a couple of times where i felt something cold and wet dripping down my leg except, you guessed it, nothing was there. i don't like to dig too far into the internet with questions about these types of things because i'm pretty sure i'll convince myself that i have ms or something. buuuut the things i did read all point towards some sort of nerve problem ie pinched or damaged nerve. or maybe it's nothing. that would be awesome! so, if you could cross your fingers that i get in to see dr. cain i would really appreciate it. i need all the help i can get! my headaches are getting worse and worse by the day because i'm not medicated and i'm not sure how much longer i can do this. i know i could probably ask my primary doctor to prescribe something but as far as dosing and what would work best for my conditions, i should really see a neurologist.

and my anxiety seems to be getting both better and worse. it's hard to explain but i've developed some lovely intestinal problems as well as some sort of stress/anxiety rash. i get itchy a lot, mostly on my arms, but there's rarely ever a visible rash. the itching isn't contained to my arms, sometimes it's my legs and stomach, but mostly it's the arms. and it's really only when i'm at work or trying to fall asleep. ugh, so annoying.