Wednesday, August 24, 2011

may 21, 2011

on may 21st i went to a day party with a couple of friends and had a really, really fun time. we drank tito's with pineapple juice and ginger ale and shared many laughs.

1. kelly, the funnest guy i know
2. me trying to take a long-arm picture with kelly and failing
3. me trying to take another long-arm picture with kelly and failing (he's just too tall!)
4. kelly and i cracking up as he finally takes a long-arm picture of us
5. me trying to look normal for a  picture with amber
6. me looking normal(ish) for a picture with amber

seriously, click on that collage to enlarge it and see what my face really looks like it some of those pictures. hilarious!

the reason this particular day stands out so much in my mind isn't just because of how much fun we had but because i woke up on the morning of may 22nd feeling like i was going to die and i have felt that to some scale every single day since then. some days i'm in more pain and some days i'm in less pain but the pain is always there. the physical pain and then the emotional pain that comes along with physically feeling like shit all the time. i've seen kelly and amber maybe 2 or 3 times since may 21st and that really bums me out. my darling joshua just moved to washington dc and i barely got to spend any time with him his last summer in austin because of this stupid condition. 

if you think this central texas heat is bad, try living through it with a disease like fibromyalgia. yesterday i went to the grocery store and put gas in my car and by the time i got home i could barely move and i had a crippling headache from barely being outside. i have a ticket to attend the last day of acl fest and if it hasn't cooled off significantly by then, i don't know if i can go. i would be putting myself at a huge, huge risk and i don't know if it's going to be worth it. 

some days i think i'm doing alright and other days i think back to what the "old stefanie" would be doing with her spare time and it probably wouldn't be, "recording reruns of csi to watch while she lays on the couch for hours at a time." i used to leave the house for reasons other than work and grocery shopping. i used to eat at restaurants, i used to drink at bars, i used to laugh with my friends. now i do none of those things. fibromyalgia is rough enough from a psychological standpoint, adding a pity party isn't really necessary. 

i'm sorry if it seems that all i ever write about is my illness but, uhh, i guess it's all i have going on these days. 

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